Who am I?

Thanks Stephen and Annie. I had a lovely day out yesterday and hope you too are enjoying the bank holiday too.

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Sometimes I've felt okay and other times I have not.

At times I've started to write but my mind has been so jumbled I've found it hard to put the words down/ articulate what I feel etc.

Today I feel alot clearer. Day 26 today.

I have decided to make some positive changes in my life, I've been struggling at times to do anything, so I am simply going to write myself small achieveable lists each day with a few things I need to do/ want to do.

I'm ready now to start adressing things and sorting things out and I fully intend to do these, not all at once, but by breaking them down things will hopefully be more achieveable.

Hi wai

You are doing fantastic , day 28 already...almost a month GF.

Its great that you are taking steps to have complete a list of acheivable tasks, something to focus on always works for me.

Small steps , day by day and before you know it you will have taken a giant leap. The steps that you have put in place to stay GF are great and they seem to be working well for you, i think sometimes we still get caught up in all the feelings and thats when we have to be kind to ourselves,we are only human.

Take care wai

Annie xx

Morning Wai , hope your happy and having a pleasant weekend . Congratulations on 31 Days GF , a lovely sunny day for you to celebrate your progress .....stephen

Thankyou Wai for the kind words on my diary . Hope your happy and enjoying life .....stephen

Thanks Stephen and Annie, hope you both have a lovely weekend 🙂 x

Day 38

Things are slowly starting to get better. I say slowly as I still feel completely up and down quite often. I understand these are normal feelings and it is going to take me a long time probably years before I can begin to forgive myself, but I am okay with that.

I read a quote that says: 'We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it'.

Glad to hear your ok and moving in the right direction, riding those feelings is hard but it does get easier. Have a great GF weekend S:)

Morning Wai . Hope your keeping well , enjoying the last of the summer, having nice walks and visits to the coast. Life can be exhilarating when we don't get bogged down with silly things. It can also offer us peace and tranquility if we so desire it.

Liked your quote " We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it ".

Have always loved the little gems you have placed in the diaries ......stephen

Hello Wai. Thankyou for your kind words on my diary, always a joy to read your posts. Wonderful to see your fresh approach to recovery, you seem very determined. Very proud of all the positive steps you have taken, including your enrolment on the CBT course.

Love the idea of setting myself mini goals, breaking them down into chunks and ticking them off when they're done, I will probably find that quite a usefull strategy. Think I'll use that for my housework and decorating. I don't consider myself lazy but if I put something off enough times it becomes a mountain to climb.

Also like your affirmation that we have all the answers within ourselves, it is just having the energy and focus to unleash them . That is really quite profound and I imagine it takes courage ! I might not like what bubbles up to the surface.

Here's a little quote for you by Mathew Weiner ; " Identity is part of the drama to me. Who am I, why am I behaving this way, and am I aware of it....take care, stephen

Morning Wai

Hope you are keeping well, i love your quote about the past ,it is so very true. I hope you are having gentler days, this is a tough journey at times and feelings are very up and down but you are doing it and the only certainty we have is the passing of time, time is passing and you will start to feel a little bit better each day and evebtually that little chink of light willbe a tunnel with light at the end.

Take care wai

Annie xx

Sometimes I feel so rich in life because of certain people in it. It is so suprising to me how much some people care, by the small acts of kindness they show everyday or just now and again. These little moments I treasure and they make me glow inside. You don't need money to make you happy, you just need love in all it's form in your life; whether that's the love of a partner, a friend, an animal, a landscape, a good book or a true hobby or passion, all these little things are what make us.

They say whatever doesn't break us makes us stronger, I still feel broken, I feel like I am just paper over the cracks, there are still parts of me missing, but at the same time I do feel stronger and I do feel like my life is alot richer because of the small acts of certain people in.

One person in particular has helped me alot recently without even realising it. They do not know about my problem. I'm still gamble free and still haunted by it. Yet this person in particular has been a true friend, not my best friend, but a true friend, they have really picked me up when I have needed it.

And then I have my partner, he is always there for me. As alot of people have been using music on this journey recently, I would like to say he is 'my biggest cheerleader' lol 🙂 OMI - Cheerleader (Felix Jaehn Remix) [Official Video]

Haha.

Thanks Sharon, Annie, Stephen and everyone else love reading the diaries still, every word, every journey, every story.. I hope we all get our happy endings one day.

Thank you to everyone here from the bottom the bottom of my heart and soul.

I do not come here very often nowadays.

Every diary, every story, every individual, struggling, recovering, hoping, dreaming..

As I have said before... we can't do everything, but we can do something.

Never ever give up. Always keep trying..

I hope we all get our happy endings one day.

Thanks so much posting, hope life is treating you ok? Best wishes and positive thoughts for 2018 Sx

Thank you for your kind words x

Hello WAI. Many thanks for posting on my diary. Your kind words have always brightened up my day.

Hope you and your partner are happy and well. I still have a listen now and than to OMI - Cheerleader, great little song.

A bit chilly for strolling in the sand but hopefully you are still enjoying your walks. It can be quite invigorating to venture forth on a wintry day, all wrapped up and snug as a bug in a rug.

Take care my friend. Wishing you peace, contentment and happiness...stephen. x

Hi Wai

Thank you for your comments on my diary, lovely to hear from you.it's wonderful that you have so many supportive people around you, your friend without them even realising.All the best wishes for 2018 and following your oh so true mantra "what doesn't break us makes us stronger" xx