Hi
I walked in to the recovery program not for my self.
I walked in to the recovery program thinking that no one could stop me gambling.
And this was true, yet in time I saw and heard other peoples therapies and sharing that they could do it.
The word often used is to abstain or to refrain.
Now today I understand that no one could stop me gambling that was going to be my choice one day at a time.
Only once I had gained some clean time could I start to heal my pains.
Only once I had gained some clean time could I start to reduce my fears.
I gave up handing my finances which was very hard for me to do.
By handing my finances to another person made it easier for me.
The truth was I could not trust my self with money.
Simply money was the fuel for my addiction.
In time by having low amounts of money I got used to money in my pocket, I did not react to money in my pocket.
The addictions and obsession only indciated that I was emotionally vulnerable.
I had certain emotional triggers.
I could not heal my pains.
I could not reduce my fears.
I could not reduce my unreasonabale expectations of people life and situations.
Isolating my self was not ehalthy for me.
Being idle and doing nothing with my time was emotional triggers.
I am a non religious person.
Yet I understand that my conscience is based up on spirtual values non religious.
Having a healthy conscience will cause me to feel guilty or ashamed of my self and my unhealthy words and actions.
Once in my recovery I will understand tat in the past I was a very unhealthy vulnerable person.
I have more often given up reacting in unhealthy ways to people life and sitautions and am a more stable person.
In my time I have heard people say that wording addictions and obsessions is a mental ilness.
I think that is not quite correct or a healthy thing to say.
I think that we are just emotionally vulnerable, once we heal the hurt inner child then we can interact with life and people in a much healthier way. No more escaping or confusion.
The longer I was involved with my addictions and obsessions the more pains I caused my self.
Each time I was consumed by my addictions and obsessions each time I walked away I blanked out my fears the painful trauma and after some sleep hide my feeling and my emotions.
In time the therapies would enable me to open up more and I would try to articulate how vulnerable I was.
The more I opened up to like minded people in the recovery I would get to know my self more and more.
Also I would see and feel my self in other people therapies.
Both the ehalthy and unhealthy.
The simple truth is the longer I spent in the recovery program the wiser I got about my self.
Therapies lead to more honesty about my self.
Therapies lead to my fears being reduced.
Therapies lead to my trusting more.
Therapies lead to healthier intimacy.
If all I do and say is I am fine I am lying to myself.
In time I am an open book.
In time I willl get the light bulb moment.
In time I get to understand that the text in the books having meaning to me today.
They are not just words on paper I understand how recovery works.
That my healthy choices today have healthy consequences.
That working my recovery in healthy ways I am abale to do so much more with my life today.
The recovery program helps me help my self become a person I am proud to be today.
No more guilt, no more shame, no more regret I make healthy choices that empowers me in getting more done in my life today.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
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