Coming to the end of day one and its been a funny one, I have had time to reflect on the whole situation and think it could be alot worse, my bills are covered.
I have been tempted to punch myself in the face since yesterday as punishment for being a selfish d#*k brain. I'm a realist and try and see everything black and white but my teeth are gritted and iam my own worst enemy.
I have told my sister and she's very understanding, my partner however is unaware of my problem. The money owed is irrelevant as I can pay it back, my major worry is my surplus income. I go for a new job tomorrow which gives me an extra £300 a month and spells trouble if I don't control my urges.
I wasn't expecting an easy day but didn't envisage becoming a total monster and a nightmare to live with. My mood has changed alot and my fuse has disappeared.
All because of the demon within.
Rock on day 2.
hi coco
congrats on day 1 and telling your sister. It is hard to say the words to anyone but it really does help.
Is there anyway you can arrange for any extra money to be paid into a savings account in your partners name or one that you cannot get instant access to?
linda
CB
Well done and welcome to the forum, seems there was a large influx of new authors of diaries yesterday.
It may help to support each other through the early days of recovery, a great tool in the fight to live gamble free.
I did laugh when you wrote you would like to give yourself a good hiding.
A thought I have had on too many occasions.
Keep making the right choice
You can do this.
Be kind to yourself too addiction hates it.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.
Days are ending with the same feeling, angry and tired.
2 bet free days and I have to say the temptation is there and how easy and stupid it would be. I am keeping busy and with my partner being a needy person in the loving sense I don't get the me time where the urges can be acted upon.
Battling on and filling the gap that once was a filled by a short term high of stupidity.
Still want to punch myself in the face for getting to this point.
Good luck to all and if anybody needs to chat who reads this then please do.
Days are ending with the same feeling, angry and tired.
2 bet free days and I have to say the temptation is there and how easy and stupid it would be. I am keeping busy and with my partner being a needy person in the loving sense I don't get the me time where the urges can be acted upon.
Battling on and filling the gap that once was a filled by a short term high of stupidity.
Still want to punch myself in the face for getting to this point.
Good luck to all and if anybody needs to chat who reads this then please do.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
