Thank you duncan for the good words.. the fact that my actions hurt people around me is the most difficult to deal with.. My lies and secrets have jeopardize our relationship. I never wanted that to happen. and just because I couldnt stop myself from gambling.. I can deal with my debt and forget that i had it, but its not that easy to get the trust back.. how she can live with me when even I dont know if I will be able to resist from it for the rest of my life?
Anyway the day was pretty difficult emotionally. but keeping myself busy helped me to get through it. I havnt had a chance to think about gambling.
Just one day at a time.
Laygro
fella i understand your feelings i battled with them very much in the early days, trust is something to be earnt, there is no quick fix it will take time a long time but it can be done, every day you keep making the right choice the trust and belief in yourself will grow from that other folk will see a change in you. Gambling offered up a quick fix attitude to life now your brain is wanting that quick fix, the instant result. Recovery really is a 'job' for life it is something that will equally change your life, for the most part we are good people, addiction changed that it eats away at our inner self, it takes away our heart and leads us to beleive it is the answer to all lifes problems. Well today you know that is true, you are doing something about it. Be honest with everyone, yes painful at times but it will help.
My life for twenty years was lived through a half empty glass recovery made it half full. The same awaits you my friend, one day at a time fill it.
Duncs stepping forward never back.
Cheers mate, there is a lot of truth in your words.. It made me think about everything from another angle. I know that quick fix doesnt exist, but will I have enough patience? I have always struggled with having little patience in life. Can i change it?there are a few questions I need to answer..
Once again, thank you duncan.
Laygro
fella just keep on making the right choice, dont be too hard on yourself.
Take things one day at a time, set yourself some targets, simple things you can do to continue showing yourself why you have arrested the punt.
I have used CBT therapy to some help in addressing the issues I have with patience/focus and it has helped me understand the benefits of setting goals, achieveable goals.
Your recovery really is in your own hands my friend, keep making the right choice.
Believe in yourself.
Be kind to yourself.
duncs stepping forward never back.
thanks duncan. I had a busy weekend, no time to think about gambling. I am feeling quiet positive today, hopefully it will lead to something good. not much else to add.
one day at a time.
Well done keep up the good work, keep busy, we can all only take one day at a time. We all hope it gets easier. Stay strong an keep supporting everyone else. Cause then your not just letting yourself down your letting everyone else down. Well done keep up good work. Stay strong
It feels that the relationship between me and my partner is over.. Every day I was thinking about us and were we go from here. I love her and she is very important to me, but it doesnt look good. And it might look as it is the concequence of gambling, which is true in a way, but there is much more to it as well.. I feel that neither me or her knew what each of us wanted from this relatiobship. I dont give what she needs and I dont get what I need. The only difference is that I let her down as a friend, a very close person, who she trusted and believed in..
She needs someone by her side to give her things she needs not a person full of lies and with no self control, who doesnt know how to make her happy..
I am so sorry for the stuff she had to go through with me, I 've never wanted to hurt her..
cheers rainman. Well the good thing is that we had a good conversation about us today and everything turned out much better than I was feeling.. we were able to listen to each other in a calm manner and my mind just became so clear again.. I didnt know what to do and how to approach the situation for the last couple of weeks, but after that conversation with her today everything became so clear.. Ive asked her to give me some time and she agreed. Im so happy with it..
Just came back from my GA meeting, it boosted me up with some good energy and positive thoughts. there is no place for gambling in my life anymore and I feel very happy about it.
one day at a time!
Laygro very well done in stepping up too your gambling problem an facing it. Sorry too hear you have had some relationship problems fella but this could save your relationship. No more secrets or lies anymore. As a fellow gambler with a problem you can see one hundred percent why she is scared about the self control. It's your time fella too take control of your life prove too yourself an your girlfriend that you are the better person an can beat this. Well done on attend your GA meeting. She's right too give you a chance you are doing everything right in beating this horrid problem an can do this. Keep up the good work fella, stay strong
Ally
Laygro
Fella I am glad to read that you are communicating with your other half fella, Rainman is right in what he said
You have to look after yourself, the rest will only work if you take care of number one.
Recovery is actually in my mind the one selfish act we can gift ourselves that will be in equal terms the most productive for others.
The medicine that is GA without doubt saved my life, I dont say that lightly, the day I walked through the door I was truly a broken man, those fella's helped me to find myself again. Keep taking your dose, it will help.
duncs stepping forward never back
I had a busy few days.. I didnt really thought about gambling as an activity, more like a job I have to do. So, I am happy to say that at this moment it doesnt bother me. However, that doesnt mean the end of my recovery.. I think I am still at the start of my 'no gambling' journey.. I dont think there is anything else I have to add at this moment.
Just one day at a time. No gambling yet this year.
This morning I turned on TV and ** *** news were on the screen. Top story caught my eye, Seatle won the Super Bowl. I felt very annoyed.. all week I was believing that they will do it and they done it. then later today I had a discussion with one of my customers bout Man City - Chelsea match. and I told him 'Chelsea should win the match 1-0.' And foth the final whistle I felt like missing out on it. These moments make me think about gambling and I dont like it. I hope it will disappear at some point. I keep reminding myslf that I cant place a single bet and it dont mater how harmless it might look.. but the temptation is still there..
Another day without gambling.
Being open, without any secrets, makes me feel pretty uncomfortable.. All my life I kept my feelings just to myself, I always found it difficult to be 100% honest and open. I hope I can get over it soon.
yesterday was my birthday.. i didnt want to do much, just to have an enjoyavle evening with my partner.. but we end up having an argument.. now i have this ugly feeling inside me because what has happen yesterday.. Im trying not to think about it, push it away.. but its still there..i dont like it, being in this position i feel vulnerable and i cant think straight.. I guess I will have to burry it somewhere deep inside me and just move on. I cant allow myself to do anymore stupid things...
No gambling this year yet..
L
It has been a week since my last post. Things were good all week, until monday. it could of been better for a much longer period but Ive lied to my partner again and for no reason.. the thing I have lied about was very silly because the truth wouldnt even bother her. But the fact that Ive lied makes everything even worse. Why did i do it? I dont know, maybe I was affraid of facing her negative reaction, or maybe I am still finding it hard to be 100% honest.. Ive read GA book yesterday and something stuck in my mind "Honesty, open-mindedness and willingness are the key words in our recovery".. True.. But what can I do to adopt it successfully?
No gambling this year yet.
L
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