Worry and Regret

It is good to see that you are picking yourself up rr. The brainwashing we receive from the industry should make us all hate gambling with a vengeance. We mostly use it for comfort stress release flutter and abit excitement but if you think about it. When did you ever get anything like that from gambling? It is just fake news. The industry is paying billions in advertising on telly radio and internet influencer and so on to keep us blissfully unaware and it is working. We are brainwashed. So keep up the good fight and don't forget to hate gambling because it stopped being your friend along time ago.

Thanks for the posts SA and C43h.

I’m struggling today. I woke up with a sore lower back and it’s worsening as the day goes on. Nightmare. I never have a sore back and now this nonsense. I had set a small goal for my running mileage for January but I wont be running until this heals. Life can be a pain in the neck sometimes.

Anyway, its not that bad. Im not gambling. It could be far worse. Its just frustrating more than anything else.

RR

Sorry you are hurting. Do you have access to an exercise bike at all. They are awesome for keeping bad backs at bay and working the muscles in the back and lower body without stress or impact.

It can be very frustrating when you can't do the things you want to do, especially when we have set goals for ourselves. I love to work out too, but when I am feeling delicate or my knees are at me, I like to hit the bike and just listen to music and switch off. I hyper extended the ligaments on both knees last year while jogging on uneven ground, a few days before my holiday. Had to wear knee braces and it wasn't quite the look I was going for. The swelling was really quite something and the tan was even better! They are pretty much healed but if I push too hard, I know it's time to just take the weight off and hit the bike instead. It still helps to burn off steam and give me some happy endorphins.

If your back keeps up, or gets worse, remember not to sit too much. Gentle exercise and stretching, including walking is far better than sitting it out. Your muscles will tighten up and will make the tension and pain worse. Watch your posture and don't forget about the humble hot water bottle. They work wonders!

You'll be hitting the tracks in no time.

It helps to try and see all these so-called set backs as challenges rather than problems. A chance to improve and to overcome. Think about it in terms of evolution...we grow strong because of all the challenges we face. We adapt and we evolve. If we never have any problems or obstacles, then there is no evolution. We just stay the same. 

Before, every little thing would send me back to gambling. I couldn't cope with even the smallest of problems. It was all avoidance and distraction and making a whole world of hurt to bury myself in. Looking back, dealing with all my issues would have been so much easier than making a new set of problems. Now, I have all the same issues that led me to gamble, plus all the issues that gambling created, yet I can cope because I am tackling my problems and facing up to the world.

On Sunday, I got told that a third member of my family has passed away since December. It has been tough. No question about that. I have been in and out of hospital lately too but whatever is happening in my life, is what would be happening on top of the destruction of gambling, so without it, I can deal with what life throws my way. Gambling did not give me something to lean on, it removed my ability to cope. I can see that now.

I have a level playing field now that gambling is out of my life. I have the platform I need to tackle life head on and that platform is normality and stability. It's not about having everything your way all the time. It's just about accepting that life is a collection of good and bad moments and that all of them have their place.

As they say, It's not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain.

Accept, Endure and Overcome.

Still got a sore lower back but its getting better. Looking forward to getting out for a run over the weekend and back into my groove.

its been a busy and fast week at work. My life is flying by at some pace.

I was thinking about gambling on the way to work this morning. Not the action of gambling I should say but the mental side of being in action. You start to take things for granted after a fairly long time without it. The joy of going about your daily life without the constant worry should never be taken for granted. The ability to go to bed at night without dwelling on regret, fear or lost money is fabulous. Gambling addict in action brutalises our mind. I have debt which is less than 127 days ago but its still debt but the way I deal with this in my mind compared to 127 days ago is unbelievably different. So bizarre how this happens and over a relatively short space of time. A complicated addiction which takes only one action - to stop. After that everything gets better or certainly has for me.

RR

That's true... when we stop gambling life stops getting worse and then over times it starts to get better... its  a no brainer really... 

Glad your back is starting to get better.

Am looking forward to some good long jogs over the next few days

Been for a 5 mile run this morning in freezing cold torrential rain type conditions with no wind and it was magnificent. Just out a warm shower and I feel great and happy. Running really, really works for me. Combined with not gambling it makes a real difference to me in how positive I feel.

Going to watch the football with nice rolls n sausage and going out to a nice pub for dinner and a few drinks later this afternoon with wife and kids.

All of the above makes for a great, happy day. 

Without gambling I have more money to do nice things which I enjoy however, there is also an abundance of good healthy things to do for free. Yesterday, i took the boys to a great new park for us right on the water. We had a long walk and brought a ball as always. Played football in the park and there was also a massive play-park for the kids and a basketball court. Great way to spend an afternoon out in the lovely winter fresh air.

I hope everyone is well and having a nice weekend.

RR

Great post!

I too am really getting back into the running. Iv'e just done the equivalent of the marathon but over 3 days. I feel my fitness improve even though I still have a bit of wobbly belly.

Like you say, enjoy the simple and free things in life. 🙂

As usual, super fast week at work. Very busy which is where I’m at my best.

Today, I went for a 7 mile run which was a little harder than it should have been and I feel a little tired this afternoon. I felt great after the run and knew that I had given it an honest effort. Midweek, I had one of those amazing runs when everything came together beautifully and my last mile I felt so fast and strong. I was buzzing all night with joy. It was my quickest recorded mile in years taking me back to my younger years when I was fit and fast over these type of distances. Basically, I’m getting there because I’m consistent and not stop start the way Ive been for years.

A long term member has come back to the forum after relapsing which is sad. This guy had went something like 8 years without gambling. He is a particularly special person and I have witnessed him being incredibly supportive to hundreds of members throughout the years. He used to post daily and back then everyone followed his progress. His diary is an honest account of dealing with addiction and recovery and it is inspirational. I hope he now receives the support that he’ll now need and deserves.

Im trying to convince my son to go out a cycle with me because I want to go to a nice Village pub for a pint. Shameful. So what I deserve it.

Take care.

RR

RR

thanks for the kind words upon my thread they give me a great sense of belonging to my life in recovery or as a dear friend often says rediscovery. I will be honest I know that the true value no matter whether you are 1 day or 1000 days without a bet it is only really meaningful if you have changed your life as a result. That means your behaviour towards foremost to yourself is better than the way you treated yourself when you were active.

by looking after your own life the outcome will be profoundly better for the significant others in your life 

I wish you well 

Duncs

I often say a good day starts with a good morning and a bad day starts with a bad morning. This morning my ten year old son put in his best performance ever at the 5k Parkrun. He was super this morning and blitzed his P.B. He was so comfortable, strong and fast and as previously mentioned it won’t be long before I cant stay with him over this distance. I’m working hard to improve my speed during the week to hold on for as long as I can. Super proud of him this morning. He works so hard at his Running Club during the week and he is always improving. 

After the run we went to a nice cafe and he got a massive slice of chocolate cake and i got a Mocha coffee. Good start to my day.

This afternoon is a big game for our team and me and the boys are excited about even if not confident about the result.

Who knows what tonight may bring.

Simple pleasures and happier times.

RR

I’m in my bed at 8.30 on a Saturday night. I’m tired so I went to bed. The wife is giggling away saying how times change. Its a storm outside, football was freezing cold and now I’m cosy in bed. I’m happy with this decision.

Anyway, I wanted to mention something that I read today which I have read hundreds of times before on this forum. I’m not judging any other person on here or judging their recovery or thoughts but it makes me think. So, a user stated that he has a problem with gambling but after reading how bad others are he should be grateful for the position he’s in because he’s solvent even although he’s lost a lot. When I first came here and read that some poor guy had lost everything- his marriage, his kids, his job, his money, his self resect and mental well being I never for a moment thought oh well at least I’m not as bad as him. I thought if I don't do something about this Im going to lose everything just like that poor geezer.

In my experience on this forum that Ive been reading for many years people don't lose everything overnight or by the age of early 20s. Its a long term journey of suffering for them and everyone else around them. One thing that I read frequently is that this addiction gets progressively worse if not arrested. I believe that. My last gambling session saw me lose probably more money in one hour than all other accumulated losses over a historical period of time when I first realised that I had a problem. 

I would never judge myself as a gambling addict against another gambling addict. I  am definitely capable of losing everything. Just because I haven't yet doesn't really mean I’m doing better rather perhaps Ive just not been doing it for as long. When in action I can lose control so with unlimited funds I could do unlimited damage.

For anyone new, you arrive here because you have a problem like the rest of us. Don’t belittle your problems because they’re not as bad as someone elses. Use the other person as an example and set out to arrest the problem while you can and before its too late. 

I suppose the above branches into gratitude. I’m trying hard to not gamble because if I don't I cant hurt myself or the ones i love. If I don't gamble what I have cannot be lost or taken from me.

RR

I’m looking out the window and this storm is crazy bonkers. I wouldn't normally go for a run in these windy conditions but I read SA’s diary and he said he might be going out so now I’m thinking why not - might be fun.

Don't know about the rest of the day. I’d be happy to have a day in after a busy day yesterday but wife stayed in yesterday and now she wants to do something. What can you do in a storm. I  sense a stitch up and a day at the shops. Hope not.

RR

One of the greatest things to happen to me in the last 138 days was to arrive at the point of knowing that I don't have a bad life. I was just making it bad. I have a good life and I’m becoming grateful for this. In the past I was rarely if ever grateful for anything and I would only focus on what I didn't have. Gratitude is an extremely powerful tool to have. I hope this feeling grows and I never take it for granted.

RR

I went for an 8 mile run this morning and enjoyed it in the pouring rain. I’ve returned with a sore rib area which is a new one for me. No impact injury just getting old.

Wife off today and we’re going out for lunch which should be nice. She’s upstairs storming about clearly upset at me for something that Ive done. It could be for a number of nonsense reasons like leaving toothpaste all over the sink or any other of the list of annoyances she has. I’m staying out the way. Experience prevails in these situations. Valentines loves flowing through my house.

My very, very young daughter told me last night that she has a boyfriend. Not having this. I thought I had years ahead of me before this nonsense starts.

Looking to have a nice, quiet, relaxing weekend. I say this every week and it rarely happens. Here’s hoping.

Take care all.

RR