You CAN all do this!!!

Back again and pleased to report no disasters. Sat watching scores coming in whilst fiancé out shopping and thought it had been a while so popped back in to review my own and a few other diaries.

Only one bet to report which actually made me laugh. Had £50 on George Groves last Saturday primarily due to bravado as I'd harped on about his chances in the face of all my friends writing him off as no hoper. Obviously, was proven very early on that Groves was far from a no hoper and I was disgusted when fight was stopped from reaching its natural conclusion and Froch given it. What became a fun bet left me genuinely angry and still felt that rage the next day which concerned me.

What felt significant was I recognised that rage was that old feeling of injustice leading me to chase losses and had a word with myself before reaching internal peace and moving on. Texted my mate to say I was back in betting retirement and we started to talk about the days footy. He fancied Cardiff but told him big a hope in hell and would be easy 3 or 4-1 Man Utd win. He said I should back that to recover groves loss but thankfully I'd stepped out of betting zombie mode by that point and laughed it off reiterating I was retired. So went out for lunch with fiancé and came back, switched on footy and it's in stoppage time 2-1 to Man Utd and a corner. Saw the ball come in and GOAL! saw it was scored by the reds and thought typical! Then I saw it was Cardiff in red and it was actually 2-2! Then had a laugh at Rooney missing an absolute sitter to win it at end and reminded myself how cruel gambling can be. The old me would have taken the rage from the perceived injustice at Groves decision and piled on big for Man Utd win. I'd gave then felt further injustice at stoppage time equaliser followed by Rooney miss and I know that I'd be heading online to make a 3 figure loss lesson into a 4 figure loss problem.

Slightly contrasting emotions as forgot how much a perceived injustice lost bet can invoke real feelings of rage. That said, delighted that i recognised danger and had a word with myself and halted those feelings early enough nit to cause real damage.

Not sure whether the lesson is I shouldn't ever bet or on flipside that I now have enough self control to halt tide of disaster but thought it another worthwhile log here for me to review at some future point when I have that urge again.

Interesting to read some old diaries on here and see people coping with occasional betting eg Captain46 which goes against the absolute abstinence approach that has helped so many others. Think I'm starting to conclude that everyone has their own battles to fight and no-one else can tell anyone else what absolutely will work for them.

Best wishes to all who read this at whatever point in your own individual challenge you're at. YOU CAN DO THIS!

ps After a few days reflection, I still think Groves deserved a bit longer by ref but I reckon Froch was going to win at some point in later rounds so my injustice is debatable at best. 🙂

Back again and really should remember the six month revisiting rule 🙁

A random out the blue 1362 binge on online slots thus afternoon. No idea why other than betting site sent me random email saying that I had money in an old account and they wanted to close it down... Turns out that was 10p left over from 2009 🙂

Anyhow they got what they wanted and have had a ridiculous day. Feel terrible but at least I stopped before it got badly out of hand ( I know 1300 is awful but I have access to more so let me take some small positives out of today). Triggers, boredom, frustration and having some time to myself....

Ah well, it's done now and at least it brought me back to my diary which is serving as useful reminder of how recently I've continued to have these occasional binges. Also interested to note last one was for 1300 as well so patterns everywhere.

Onwards, upwards and be grateful off my blessings. Best wishes fellow CGs.....I may do well kidding myself I'm not one of you for most of the time but starting to accept that I am and always will be one now. Lesson from this one is that I need to accept I have a problem and better manage it proactively to prevent any issues rather than coming on here to cry about it post event.

Stay strong and YOU CAN ALL DO THIS!

Hi dice

Thank you for sharing and well done for stopping before funds expired

I wish you well on your continuing journey of recovery

Best wishes

Suzanne x

Back again but thankfully with no binge loss to report.

Quick check in really but suspect what led me here was hearing about a friend winning big on mobile slots and my CG thinking maybe I could have a few quid at that again. Glad my experience led me here instead.

I'm not going to lie as I'm not gamble free and have been sports betting and a few quid on lottery instant wins (never again as it's utter nonsense). Levels are manageable but again suspect I've found my way here as I'm perhaps a little worried that it's getting too much.

Good reminder of how low I've been and how those lows link to gambling although maybe it's being low that leads me to gamble rather than gambling making me low. Certainly doesn't help either way.

Anyhow, I'm doing ok and I genuinely hope anyone reading this is winning with their own personal struggle. We can all do this!

Back again.

3 months down the line and reading my last post back was slightly eerie as did indeed predict my own downfall. Another big loss (circa 2k although can't remember precisely as that was a couple of months back and couldn't face coming back here to report). Online slots predictably from random site promising free spins and I suspect triggered by hearing about a friends success. Stupid stupid stupid! Life is going well with work and personal so no excuses whatsoever.

What brings me here today is an unusual situation. Back from holiday on Thursday and got an email from online slots company saying I had loyalty (ha...) reward in my account. I.e. You lost 2k a couple of months back so come on back in! Regardless, it worked as I went on, lost reward and started depositing but, and it's a big but, here's where this story takes an unusual turn.....I'm now 3k up and have hit withdrawal but this site has that other classic tactic of waiting a few days to process to give me the generous opportunity to reverse withdrawal. Apologies to anyone who takes offence at me sharing winnings but I'm primarily here to help me and feels significant to be honest on my own recovery diary.

So the question is will I be able to actually win? Haven't managed it previously and reverse withdrawals have worked against my binge mentality before but I'm back on here so maybe I can change behaviours. C'mon I CAN DO THIS!

This has to be it for me one way or the other. No more online slots either because I've had my last win or I'm about to have my last crushing loss.

Will check back in shortly. Stay strong my fellow CGs, YOU CAN DO THIS!

Thanks for posting was a great read and to see how U challenged your self. At least you can see when it gets out of control. I will use your diary as motivation as im only in my first week and struggling to be honest. Don't ruin what you have done and got right now i hope you continue to move forward and wish you all best in your recovery thanks.

Of course you CAN do this! Throw the portal out of the window if you have to just whatever you do, don't be a mug & log back in!

This is your chance to stick 2 fingers up to the s******s that tried to drain you of even more money than you threw @ them! If you don't do it for you, do it for us!

Be a winner - ODAAT

Hi diceman,

thanks for posting on my diary, I got the inspiration from a YouTube clip, how to cure your gambling addiction by Grant Mumberson.

Paul

So, first stage complete. Survived the reverse withdrawal trap, provided the expected verification of identification documents (always amazed how this is deemed necessary for putting money into my account when money can be so easily deducted with no such id verification) and money is now in my bank account. A positive outcome but I know this is where the hard work and challenge truly starts to not chuck it back. I took the last few days as a challenge to get that money out and I need to treat the ongoing future in the same manner.

Will self exclude from site and check in to these diaries more often to try and prevent or at the very least stave off my repeat binge behaviour.

Best of luck to all those facing their problems and WE CAN ALL DO THIS!

Two weeks later and all good but I realise from past experience that if I forget I'm a CG and don't check in here to self treat that then I WILL relapse.

Hope everyone facing their own struggles is doing ok today.

WE CAN DO THIS!

We all have relapses diceman, the important thing is to pick yourself up and carry on. Keep going and I know you will stay strong.

Paul

Been back gambling on online slots. Have now got a kid on the way and need to grow up man up and stop throwing money away. Embarrassed and ashamed!

Onwards and upwards but for ducks sake how can I continue to do this to myself given my experience and posts above? Idiot.....

Onwards and upwards. Tomorrow I will be stronger and a better person.

I can do this!

After last night's destructive behaviour, I've woken up with a bit more positivity.

Have self excluded from latest site permanently and reminding myself that I've not gambled to a point where I'm in financial difficulties so not disastrous.

That said, I'm incredibly disappointed in myself that I continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. I know I can't win so why do I continue to deposit? Rhetorical question as I know the answer. I am a compulsive gambler and cannot control my gambling when playing online slots.

When I lose,I increase bets to chase losses. When I win, I increase bets as I'm playing with profit and want a massive win. It's textbook stuff and some analyst at the casino must be laughing hard at my ridiculous betting patterns.

Lessons learned this time? I must stay vigilant, I am a compulsive gambler, posting here may not seem that important but it definitely limits my destructive behaviour.

Onwards and upwards. Picking myself off the floor and start again. I can do this!