You have to start somewhere.

There will be no shortage of tests along the way and it will take time to win back people's trust, so be patient. Real change is a gradual thing and doesn't happen overnight. I relapsed so many times that in the end the only way I could possibly convince anyone that this time was different was to make it so. All I could do was keep doing the right things, keep making the right decisions day after day. It wasn't easy and even now I am not entirely sure how I got where I am now, but it is a world away from the hopeless addict that I once was.

I do suggest finding a local support group. If nothing else it fills a few hours each week and is an outlet for feelings and frustrations. At best it will provide you with motivation, inspiration and real support when you need it.

I wish you success with your new job and a brighter future.

Ken

Thanks Ken, I keep myself busy at the moment, I have a mental health support group which I have told everything and helps a lot. Im on day 4 now. Im in a lot of pain with my back, so this is my first day with very little positive feeling. I'm starting a new job but it's very physical and to get through my first day is going to be extremely painful, but maybe it's karma to make me suffer that little bit more. I woke up a couple of times panicked with guilt because I keep having nightmares about relapsing, so sleep is a little intermittent at times. But Im happy it's day 4 the numbers sound a bit less pathetic each day.

End of day 4. Survived work with the back pain and really enjoyed so looking forward to the future there. Im trying fill my time with new activites, have some airfix type models. Unfortunately as a side effect of gambling im very impatient and sadly ruined the model by rushing the painting of it, spent hours frustratingly putting it together as well! Never mind, some personal relationships are putting under a lot of strain, and slowly draining the optimism out of me. Im trying my best to keep remembering to make the effort as im the one who was in the wrong, im just hoping I can stay strong enough to not allow the depression to drag me back into my depression. For now another day ticked off

Day 5 now. Had a very difficult night last night. It all seemed to hit me and I felt extremely depressed and down. I cried for hours and was back feeling suicidal and even researching ideas. It just struck that I dont want to be fighting an addiction all my life, I dont think im strong enough. People close don't really understand and it makes me feel so alone. Also because of the money situation I havent seen my kids for a month, and that is really starting to take its toll on me. Im still here and I am still gf but ive lost a great deal of positivity and motivation.

Hi Ross,

When motivation is lacking it's your kids that you need to think about. The money situation will get better over time as long as you stay gamble free.

Nobody said this was going to be an easy ride but it's a journey with making my friend. Keep the chin up and keep fighting.

Damo

Ross

It's essential to have confidence in your recovery.

Whilst it feels nice to be riding a high when you stop, you don't gain real confidence by giving yourself fist pumps. Real confidence is gained in situations like you are in, when times are difficult but you find a way to pull through.

It sounds like with your counselling and other positive moves are the right things to.be doing.

Addicts are used to immediate rewards - in recovery we need to retrain this rewards system and learn to play a longer term game.

You're doing the right things. Stick with it, this is an opportunity to build, the confidence will come and things will get easier.

Louis

Thanks for your kind comments, seeing replies gives me those little pick me ups I need now and again. Ive kept myself busy all day again today. Tomorrow is day 6. I have the weekend off which is when id usually see my kids so I'm going to really struggle tomorrow. Thankfully I have no access to money so I'm not too worried about relapsing right now, however boredom is becoming a real issue, as its difficult to find hobbies that I enjoy that are free. Also I dont particular have any friends so no option there, usually fill my time wothy kids or gambling. Have neither this weekend so may be a bit of an emotional roller coaster. Onwards and upwards anyway.

Hi Ross

Well done for your progress so far. It is easy to underestimate the challenge of beating gambling addiction because it is a real battle without any hint of exaggeration or irony.

I notice that you have been feeling a bit low. Please accept my apologies for cutting and pasting, but this is something I have just written on another post:

Anxiety is without doubt a symptom of withdrawal. Gambling causes a reaction that increases feel-good chemicals such as dopamine and serotonin to the brain. These chemicals are normally released naturally when we exercise; or when we do something good; or something good happens to us.

As these chemicals are raised artificially over long periods through gambling or drugs, the body compensates by either producing less of them or by reducing the number of receptors. Essentially, we build up a tolerance to our body's natural reward system.

When we suddenly stop our addictive behaviour and lose our source of artificial stimulus for these chemicals, it takes a number of weeks for our body to rebalance and begin to produce and react to these these chemicals naturally again. Hence low moods and negative feelings are quite normal. The good news is that the body will recover its natural reward system, but like all real change, it doesn't happen overnight.

Exercise is a good way to raise dopamine levels in the short-term. I was once a hopeless gambling addict, but after three and a half years, I have learnt enough about myself and the psychology of addiction never to return to my old ways, unless I make a conscious decision to do so.

There are tough times ahead for you, but persevere because it does get better and the rewards are life changing and you will have no need for artificial sources of dopamine or serotonin.

Take care my friend

Ken

Thank you so much, that little bit of information has lifted my mood significantly. I have had a terrible day,:for no other reason than severe depression and a feeling of emptiness and loneliness. But here I am day 6 over and this time tomorrow will be my first week gf. Surely something to be proud of? So why don't I feel it?

A week without gambling is a long time for an addict and it probably feels that way. As your body adjusts to life without massive and artificial peaks and troughs in mood enhancing chemicals you will start to feel better naturally and a sense of pride in your achievements will come. My anthem for many months was a song by Heather Small called Proud. In the early days it made me cry, but also inspired me.

Most people might not consider a week without gambling to be anything remarkable, but as a dramatic lifestyle change it is truly worthy of praise. Allow yourself a feeling of pride and then buckle in and continue with a journey that will take you to places you can only imagine.

Take care my friend.

Ken

So week 1 is over. Been a long hard week. Surprisingly not been that difficult to keep away from gambling so far with the motivation and support at the moment. The difficulty has been emotionally. For a start theres the obvious cobstant regret of the hurt you've caused, and just the sheer scale of your life you have lost to this addiction. Then I sit here and think why didnt I just do this sooner. I struggle with the amount time I have to fill now, still haven't regained the enjoyment of everyday life yet so that is hard. Then theres the resentment of people around me, thats been the single most difficult part, and its the thing thats keeping me most depressed and struggling especially at night, I've just got to hope that doesnt spill over into a relapse. So week one of many over, let's hope I'm still here this time next week.

Day 9. Gamble free and still no real urges to do so. Still struggling severely emotionally but that comes with time, hopefully I have some left.

You're doing really well Ross. Very soon everything will settle down enough for you to get a better perspective on which direction your life is going.

Take care, stay strong, be proud.

Ken

Well done Ross on your gf days you will feel better in time if you don't gamble life just gets better and better. Yes there's down and off days but it's so worth the good days which you get none of gambling Stay strong Lu x

Day 12 over and I have survived my first payday. Distracted myself by treating my two eldest to a day out at a play area. Im doing ok, still struggling with emotions and cry every night, but im still gamble free which is all that matters for now.