6 months to freedom

6 months ago was payday. 6 months ago I decided to gamble my entire pay in one night. That was the money for my honeymoon. That was the money for me to live off. That was the end of my marriage. I did this knowing I would either come through it stronger, as a couple, or out on my own. Huge risk, no reward. I had to do it. I couldn’t go on gambling. 

Today is payday. I have not gambled a single penny in those 6 months. My life has  turned upside down and it’s hard to say this, but mostly in a good way. Sure my life was better with someone, but it was a lie. I lied to myself which made me lie to others without thinking. I would give anything to go back and save my marriage, but if it meant being that person again, I wouldn’t. 

Gambling took everything from me and doing this alone has been tough. I genuinely believe that doing it alone however has made me stronger. It’s made me detest gambling even more. That utter hatred keeps me going, to the point where I don’t even think about gambling. I have no urges. I only have hatred. Gambling took everything from me and I won’t let it even enter my mind now. 

6 months is a timescale I never thought possible. Gambling was my life. My escapism, my way of dealing with life. Turns out I had to deal with life so much because I was gambling.

I am not fixed. This is not a 6 months, well done, all is good. This is simply a reflection of how far I’ve come and how much I’ve changed. I can do the things I want to now. I can enjoy my time. I’ll never not buy a birthday present for a loved one as I’ve gambled my money away. I can sleep. I can eat. I’m a real person and for once in my life I feel free.

6 months down. The rest of my life ahead. No doubts of my success moving forward, but under no illusion that I can fall. Blocks will always stay in place. Temptation will always be monitored. Honesty will forever be my goal. Complacency is not a word in my vocabulary anymore. 

Thanks to all those who’ve been on their own journey and have stopped by to help me. I hope you too can find the freedom I have found. Thanks to gamcare and most importantly…

Stay strong 💪