One of our Online Peer Supporters has kindly shared their own experience of gambling around Christmas, and how they feel about this time of year now they are in recovery. We welcome you to share your own reflections about this time of year in the comments below:
One Christmas in particular always sticks out for me when I reflect on my experiences as a compulsive gambler at this time of the year. I decided to head to the Trafford Centre, near Manchester, to do my Christmas shopping. What should have been a fun experience turned into a nightmare 10-hour gambling session. By the end of it, my bank account and savings were empty, I'd not bought any presents, and I remember feeling thirsty, hungry and physically and mentally drained - and also wondering what on earth I was going to do now with Christmas just around the corner. Looking back, that is when things were starting to get serious for me, and out of control. I still think to myself now, does a shopping centre really need such a big area dedicated to fruit and slot machines? I guess that's a debate for another day.
For someone like myself, who was gambling around the clock and regularly had more than 15 loans and debts to pay back on pay day every month, December was great because my employer paid me a few days earlier due to Christmas. This meant one thing to me - I could have access to 100% of my wages for 72 hours before any direct debits or standing orders were due to come out. In my head, I'd be able to use this period to do all my Christmas shopping and win enough money that would solve all my problems and change my life. Of course, this never happened, and it just meant I would blow all of my wages gambling and then every single bill / loan that would be due out a few days later would default, with nothing left spare for Christmas. I can still feel a wave of anxiety and stress coming over me now just writing about it.
Currently I haven't gambled for more than seven years and I am so thankful every day for that. I genuinely enjoy Christmas now after losing so many due to the harms of gambling, and it's something I will never take for granted. If you are struggling with gambling and finding it difficult over Christmas, you are not alone. People like myself have been there before, and there are other people like you unfortunately experiencing it now, too. Please access the support that is available and take the first step to giving yourself the life - and Christmas - you deserve.
Back from 2000's to 2018 i wasnt very kind to myself..... i smoked lots, drunk lots, gambled lots, went to pubs, clubs and casinos every week night and also went at every opportunity at weekends to play poker and fruit machines...... what came with this was a very unhealthy me....I was struggling at work due to lack of sleep and lack of concentration as i was just waiting for each work day to end so i could start my gambling again...... each month got worse and worse untill i was put on performance managemnt at work where each morning they would email me with details of everything id done worng the day before..... I was stressed and i remembr two occasions around christmas 2018 the first where i had gone two days without a bet and was feeling great and went to meet a friend for a drink thinking just one ill be saving money this week horray... went for the drink then on the way home walking i thought just ten pounds on a fruit machine will d ono harm????? now thats the point i was on my own i wasnt meeting a friend at the club it was solely to use the machine.... so i got ten pounds out that went in the machin, then another ten then another and it ended up untill it was very uncomfortable £120 pounds loss..... went home came on here and as id been on gamcace for 3 years by that point the tough love was there and i carried on being very stressed and unhealthy...... Then later that same month i went to the same club one afternoon and visited the cash machine ten times untill i hit the not able to withdrawell anymore money that day moment...... I went back home and realised i needed to borrow money to pay for spending money on my holiday away the next week.....
I then went on that holiday.......didnt spend a penny..... spent the whole time in my bedroom......had a full blown mental episode.... ruined the holiday for my mum and dad...... and from that point i realised i had to drastically change my life!!!!!!!
So i stopped drinking from that moment and it helped my stopping gambling!!!!!!with my skitsophrenia mental episode i had 6 weeks off work....... I spent time with family....became clear with my thoughts....physically i worked at the gym..... and then when i went back to work they thankfully wiped the performance managemtn under the carpet and changed my role for something more suited to me.......
Now ive just hit the 5 years gamble free 1825 day mark...... i havent smoked since 2016 not drunk since that weekend in 2018 and i visited the gym frequently....see my family more.... and when i see friends and family i focus solely on them and not thinking about the next up or down financal change in my account.....
Christmas should be for friends and family not the stress that gambling can bring us all if we let it.....
If ur coming here in trouble see that from both these examples what is a hell of a life / existence sure can change for the better....
Adam xxx
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