I don't understand the friends and family section

Disagree Blown, most of the advice is to take care of themselves 1st. The walk away stuff comes later when people have been repeatedly lied to, manipulated & are very broken...Why should those people stand by the person who has caused their pain when that person point blank refuses to accept it. Why should they trust again when they have never been given any reason to trust. They can't fix the other person & watching someone you love, self destruct is a painful ask. I gambled in isolation, used family money that I can justify by saying my mother would have thrown away had she gotten her hands on it, no-one apart from my CG mum knew but I have still been guilty of stealing time from people. Addiction makes us selfish, stops us seeing & accepting the damage that we do around us, just because we can justify our actions doesn't mean they are right. By damaging ourselves, whether we accept it or not, our loved ones suffer. No advice to friends & family is given lightly & no, not everyone does become physically violent (I don't recall that ever being suggested) but pysychological pain hurts too.

Advice to me is to walk away from my mum but that's because I periodically come here ranting about what she's done this time, I didn't get that advice the 1st time I mentioned what a pain she is.

We're not all the same, some get sicker than others but in answer to your question, I would say yes, you are a CG. Real life support is available @ GA & people there will open their arms, like a family, to you if you want it.

Hi blown

This is an interesting post. I have told my close family and a couple of friends about my husband and none of them have suggested I just pack up and leave and at the moment I have no intention of doing that.

All I want to do is help him. I also recognise that will only work if he really wants to help himself which at the moment it seems he does and he is doing all the right things.

There are so many people on this site who have been really helpful to me and most are cgs.

I have thought about what my husband would do if it were the other way round and I am absolutely sure he would help me all he could. And so that is what I am going to do.

There are some lovely supportive posts from family members and everyone's situation is different. I would like to hope that if a person is willing to accept the problem and seek help then that is a massive step in the right direction.

I go on with hope and determination.

Jennifer

Hi blownit

The advice isnt to everyone but you will see advice like that and quite rightly.

A gambling addiction is one of the most dangerous addictions and partners need to know that especially when they have been manipulated ,mentally abused and even physically abused by the addict.

The advice is that the gambler must seek help. Its not that we are writing the gambler off. The partner can mention it and offer support but only if the right measures are already being taken and its acceptable that the partner stays.

I didnt have a partner but I certainly took my parents along for the ride and Im now ashamed about that.

I dont know your full circumstances and extent of your gambling but the addiction is a very destructive form of mind control. I agree with some of your points but its too easy to think everyone else has a more serious problem

I went to GA and heard some devastating stories...life savings stolen...fraud charges.... I started thinking I was a lightweight casual gambler but the truth is I had the same problem of being out of control. I took all my available money and gambled it away...its not hard to see how I could have turned to theft. I had the bank of mum and dad...others dont have that

The advice is about tough love and some partners quite rightly have had enough. It does no good to say everythings going to be ok. We do advise partners mention it and try and help in every proper way. However there is a point where they didnt cause it and they cant cure it so why should they suffer so much if the gambler isnt ready to stop.

Its an addiction and not every gambler is ready to tackle it. By the time partners come on the forum they are usually desperate and at their wits end.

I know what you are getting at but you will find that we are not a bunch of over dramatic people wanting to split marriages up 🙂

Best wishes to you

I'm not sure what you're reading because it's not anything I recognise as a recommended first stop.

Agree with posts above though. If partners don't put themselves first when a CG refuses to do anything about their addiction the bottom line is they're on a highway to hell. Why would the advice be to stay on it regardless?

Blownitagaib wrote:

The only person my gambling has hurt or effected is myself.

Hi BlownIt, just in reference to a quote from your post - if you really think about it your gambling affected a lot more people than you realise. I used a similar line before 'sure it was my money and I'm the one has to suffer the consequences not anybody else' but it was simply untrue. All relationships are affected by compulsive/problem gambling whether it be with family, friends, partners, work collegues etc. We don't see it that way initially but sooner or later we see the truth

Spot on Sam

Afternoon Mr Blownit hows it going long time no see posts.

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thats what i used to think "THE ONLYPERSON THAT MY GAMBLING HAS EFFECTED IS ME ". How wrong i was? It has effected my whole family; my mother, sisters, brothers and most importanyly my wife. I havent seen her similing openly for couple of years now. I have given her so much pain agony and hurt her feeling numerous time. broken her trust many times, broken my vows so many times not to gamble. BUT still she hasnt lost hope on me and is doing whatever she can to help me get rid of this bad habit. I really feel im very lucky to have her as wife but she is unlucky to have me as her husband. she deserves far more better person than me.

Plenty of help and support out there for those struggling with addiction - starting with this site, counselling, GA etc.