Hi

Hello rach81,

Welcome to the Forum.

Well done for reaching out and making your first post.

It sounds like you have a pretty full life and this helped you to avoid gambling for a while. It is good that you have noticed it escalating again and are willing to make some changes. You have signed up for GamStop, employed a bank block and installed GamBan. It sounds like the next 'tool' to add to your 'toolkit' for recovery could be speaking to someone about the underlying reasons and urges to gamble.

If you are in Great Britain please consider calling the National Gambling Helpline to discuss a referral for 1-2-1 or group support on 0808 8020 133.

Best Wishes,

Louise

Forum Admin

Hey Rach

ive gambled for around the same amount of time. Lost a fortune.

Vicious cycle of gamble, lose, despair, promise to never do it again, stupid brain forgets the bad stuff….. and repeat… If I lose, I lose. If I win, I keep spinning until I lose everything and more. 

it’s a vile disease and apparently more addictive than crack C*****e so we have our work cut out for us.
How are you getting on now?

Em x

Hi

I have spoken  to my GP and there isn't much available apparently,I tried CBT but that wasn't for me. 

I lost my dad just over 2 years ago and a lot of my time was taken up looking after him, hence why I got the cats (something else to look after) but it would appear it's not workkng. 

Another £60 today just lost. I have tried contacting the casino to close my account but they aren't replying just give me a ticket number and I dont hear anymore , even tried telling them I'm under age but still nothing. 

Em... 

Still spinning away knowing I won't win, the site is a spam site ,all reviews are really bad but I still carry on playing?? WHY?

I cant talk to family cos I don't want to let them down again 😕  

Hi Rach, 

Sorry to hear your struggling.  This really isn't an easy thing to "fix" at all but the positives are that you are in a place where you are acknowledging it. The best step is, as painful as it is, is to speak to someone else close to you.  I know you feel like you will let them down but actually by not telling them and getting yourself into trouble your kind of letting them down anyway? 

Once you speak to them it means you can utilise them to put more blocks in place.  They will want to help you so get past that barrier of shame and ask for help.  Even if it's that they can check your bank account each night, it's having that level of accountability that we really truly need at the beginning at least. 

Continue to post and hold yourself to account.  Go to the recovery diaries section and read other people's posts from start to finish, and consider starting your own! 

Good luck Rach, you took a huge step, but you can't stop now. 

Hey Rach

Oh hunny 🙁

im so sorry to read you lost your Dad but it sounds like caring for living souls is your thing. You could try I think it’s called ‘Age UK’. Basically it’s a charity that pairs you up with someone that’s lonely and vulnerable and you basically make a friend and it may give you another soul to help that really needs it. Some of us are so able to be strong when it comes to others but not for ourselves.

Please stop spinning, nothing good will come of it. And don’t beat yourself up for not stopping as soon as you said you would, nothing this time or any of the times before. Dazza (the previous poster) and I are a prime example. If you read both of our diaries you’ll see we started our most recent recoveries at the same time on here in Jan of this year. Dazza was able to stay strong that time. He’s absolutely smashing it… I on the other hand lasted 10 days and the had the mother of all relapses which lasted another for 4/5 months. I lost probably in the region of 20/30k. I was a complete mess. Up all night, drinking, gambling, escaping, despairing and then repeating. I wasn’t eating, socialising, even my hygiene went down the toilet. I’m 17 days GF today and I’m starting to smile again.

The first few days are horrific because the brain chemistry is so messed up from dopamine that nothing feels like it will ever compare to gambling but it starts to get better. You need more help. If you hand over your finances (just temporarily if need be) to someone you trust, then you can ensure you have no access to any money whilst you get through the worst of the mental  withdrawal. 

I’m here Rach…. Keep posting 

Em x

Hi 

Thank you both for your replies. I seem to easily not gamble in the day ,in tends to be in the  evening even though I tell myself all day "I won't do it" but it's only 20,30,40- 100 poind. 

I used to do care work but I gave it up to look after my dad and since he died I havent felt ready to go back into it,I love caring for the elderly.

Well done both of you 👏 

Hey Rach

The evenings are most difficult for me too 🙁

Age UK is actually a charity so you choose when you want to help someone. Perhaps signing up and letting them know you can be available on the odd evening will help you have something really rewarding to occupy yourself. A phone call to someone in need or a visit to someone close may keep you away from the slots.

try setting a small goal first (like just two evenings maybe) that you won’t gamble. Throw on a box set, anything to try and distract you.

Good luck

Em x

Exactly what Em says, first goal get through this weekend.  I want to see a post on Monday saying you did your first goal! You got this 😁 

Rachel, it appears to me that your gambling stems not just from the addiction, but from loneliness and a lack of somethng else to do in your life.   It is underlying issue that you need to resolve.

Effectively you have too much time and nothing to fill it with so are resorting to gambling as it makes you feel part of something.

Rest assured I know the feeling and it is not easy to beat, but it can be done.

I am assuming this is an offshore casino, if it has a UK licence, message them and say you have reported them to the UKGC - watch the speed with which they reply then.

Are you ok Rach?