I can't say for sure what role mindfulness has played in me stopping for 6 years. I got interested in it shortly after I stopped, so it's possible I would've stayed stopped anyway.
But it's such an obviously well-suited skill to have in fighting addiction, that if you practice it reasonably regularly then your likeliehood of being active in a serious addiction, like gambling, reduces to around nil. Again, it's possible there's a chicken and egg scenario here - perhaps only people who are 'coming out of the mire' are the ones to engage in mindfulness in the first place. Who knows and does it matter? If you decide to commit to mindfulness, now, you're going to succeed, regardless of whether you were going to anyway.
There's confusion about what it is. It's not primarily about relaxation, although that can be a benefit. It allows you be aware of the contents of your consciousness, in the moment, without simply going on autopilot and BECOMING your thoughts, memories and feelings. Importantly, for addiction, you can treat your own thoughts as merely that...thoughts arising in consciousness. They come and go. You aren't your thoughts.
This is important when it comes to negative self-beliefs. Something which addicts have. A self-belief is just a thought, or, more specifically an opinion about yourself. Our negative self-beliefs are never true in the categorical way that we tell ourselves. But we hold these opinions dear, usually so we can carry on with our self-limiting behaviour.
There's a difference between telling youself, yet again, 'I'm not good enough', and noticing that...'oh look! I'm having that thought again about how I'm not good enough'. With one you're buying into it and buying into the painful emotions which attach. With the latter it's more 'meh'.
What's the urge to gamble? It's a physical sensation in your body. Could be a tensing in your neck or quickening of your heartbeat?
Forget about gambling, what about being angry. You can be angry about something all day - you keep coming back to the injustice and there's just this rage which burns. When you're in the red-mist it's all you see. It's pretty clear to me that being angry all day is self-defeating. There really is no reward at the end of it - if you're on autopilot then only after a longer time does it just eventually subside. All you've achieved is flooding your body with stress hormones for the day. Great.
But if you're more aware of what's going on in your mind, it doesn't stop you from feeling an emotion, but you learn how to detatch and objectify whatever's going on, and it loses it's bite and you can get back to doing whatever's important to you.
I'm not suggesting that mindfulness is the whole answer for people who are addicts. It addresses how you behave in the here and now. But it doesn't make sense of the past or relationships.
But personally I would have it up there in the SOS categories along with stuff like 'the triangle', aka limiting your ability to gamble. Except whereas learning the triangle is a means to an end, mindfulness helps in all aspects of life.
Louis
Absolutely blinding post... As is invariably the case with what you put up. Thank you once again. Mindfulness is now in the spectrum of my thinking, let's see if I capitalise on it from here (I always notice mindfulness sessions being advertised in my area on posters and in local newspapers) some even for free eg churches
Anyway this was my favourite part (most helpful for me):
cardhue wrote:
what about being angry. You can be angry about something all day - you keep coming back to the injustice and there's just this rage which burns. When you're in the red-mist it's all you see. It's pretty clear to me that being angry all day is self-defeating. There really is no reward at the end of it - if you're on autopilot then only after a longer time does it just eventually subside. All you've achieved is flooding your body with stress hormones for the day. Great.
Louis
This is working for me Louis... Thank you. Gambling thoughts yes but general life trivial stuff YES! thank you.
Very interesting Louis and I had to come to terms with the fact that Im a flawed character and my own worst enemy in many ways. Im a dreamer...in essence a vain loner and maybe I felt the world owed me a living. I was running scared and not sure I liked people anymore. The truth is I didnt really like myself anymore. I was withdrawn,on edge and that could express itself in mild to strong anger. I think you see a lot of this now with road rage etc.
These are the deep levels to which I had to analyse myself
I have trouble finding peace with myself if society judges me on what I own. I feel I have failed by those standards and I find it hard to meditate, be mindful and feel the world is my oyster.
I have just been doing a MW job in the hospitality industry and to better myself I would also have to do a study course on top of long working hours. I have actually just been constructively dismissed as the owner was a nightmare so the hard times in life do go on. I worked hard in that job and it was never going to last for reasons beyond my control.
My fault for rushing into another dead end job really. Rather I was forced into it as I was unemployed with no direction. I enjoyed parts of it but there was a reason the last guy didnt stick it and the high turnover
My gambling was actually a self destructive path and a cry for help. A drug to escape but also a devil may care, thow caution to the wind type affair...certainly an element of nobody cares about me so Im going to gamble and get zoned out. I dont think it was ever about the money...maybe it was at the start and than I was hooked to a fix of just watching the reels.
Thats been hard to come to terms with as I know why my life has been an empty mess. I comforted myself with material possessions for years but I lacked love and spirituality. I am trying to put that right
Rightly or wrongly I still feel that the world is against me
The pressure in modern life can be immense and the feeling that I could have been someone is a depressing one. I still procrastinate so It could all be my fault and thats hard to bear when soul searching.
I find it hard to buy the line that anybody can be what they want to be or its all out there for the taking. It isnt really without hard work, talent, a gem of an idea and some good fortune. Everything else seems designed to keep us down and I feel trapped in a structure that just wants me to be good and pay my taxes
So I had to come to terms with me. The truth is I just want to opt out of the rat race. I have a private pension coming but still cant really afford the ongoing rent. I feel I have the flawed or troubled soul that easily takes to compulsive gambling. Im still soft soaping this because the truth is Ive had depression on and off for all my life
To look at me you would think I could have much done better with my life.
Then again...I didnt really want this society structure. I would have been quite happy with a simplistic life well away from the rat race. Maybe I should take steps in that direction but its not easy tearing down the wall that imprisons our minds.
So...Im not sure about mindfulness and I was forced on a mindfulness "course" by the jobcentre so it put me off it really 🙂
Best wishes to everyone on the forum
Dear Joydivider
I can really relate to your post which ironically I felt was pretty mindful!
I too often feel that sense of failure when I look at my peers from the outside to see what it looks like they have got compared to me, yet like you, I am not materialistic and know that the simple things are those worth having outside of the rat race as you put it.
I think in a way being a gambler can be worse for us with these kinds of ideas.We tell ourselves that we reject the way society is, so if we gamble it doesn’t matter because who wants that financially secure life anyway?
Of course that is self-delusion. Gambling is part of the ills of society and is a horrible form of exchange as we get nothing in return. Further the reasons we really gamble and carry on gambling are much more personal and stem from many factors.
I agree with you. I think it’s hard for us all to be anything we want but there are small steps. We know gambling doesn’t help so let’s try and knock it on the head. We know that there are other ways to spend our time which is more fulfilling. I’m going to start some voluntary work soon and have enrolled on a night class. These kinds of things can help take us out of ourselves and our introspection and away from the dark feelings of regret.
I know it’s hard, I feel it too. From a gambling perspective I think it is worth being mindful in that it’s important to not to act on our impulses to drown ourselves in gambling and also to manage the pain/regret we have caused ourselves and others.
I am facing up now to about £30k if debt accumulated in one week. It’s left me stunned. At least if I don’t gamble life won’t be worse!
Best wishes to all
Interesting posts.
I do feel JD that you are confused about what mindfulness is. Not helped by the recent commercialisation of mindfulness- as it’s now sold as as something to increase productivity, particularly in the work sphere!
It’s certainly not about ‘being able to do anything’ - which as a statement, aside from being demonstrably untrue, is just another thought to observe.
Thoughts come and go. The idea that you can control your thoughts is wishful thinking and you can face a lot of frustration if you try to control them.
Human language made humans what we are. But it also creates immense suffering as we have a permanent internal dialogue with ourselves, comparing ourselves to anything and anything. Flirting from one thing to the next, paying a close attention to nothing.
Mindfulness does offer a way out
Yes you articulate it very well. I am confused and going through a cynical phase where I just see mindfulness as a cash cow for some.
I can feel a serenity at times but being recently unemployed and needing a tribunal to get my final wages, I have been feeling very down.
My overiding feeling is I feel trapped and I would love some real time to think. Money buys time but there have to be other ways
Freedom and time just doesnt seem to happen for less well off people How I wish it wasnt all about money. I think I need to clear off somewhere to find myself..where they are not charging me loads to do it 🙂
I know I gambled through stress, low self esteem and real feelings of failure. I feel our economic system does drive people crazy
Im relatively happy when I can just be myself and feel free from worries..........seems a luxury for the chosen few these days
I am gamble free but I did start smoking on that job...Ive knocked that on the head but I fancy one now 🙂
Best wishes to everyone on the forum
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