To Tell Or Not To Tell That Is The Question?

I came clean. I can't make excuses for myself now, you know the... I'm bored, its my downtime etc etc. I am too weak to control this demon. My.partner controls it now. He has me blocked

I dont think there are many (if any) success stories along the lines of I beat it myself then rejoined my lovely family in the living room. I looked into their loving eyes and they said you look happy tonight dear. They were happily unaware that I had saved them from the pain and torment of knowing.....I knew it had caused them no pain as we lived happily ever after.

It doesnt really work like that though does it. By the stage gambling becomes a problem there are often associated debts and stress related behaviour. Furtiveness and distraction from the important things in life. Partners can often suss out something is wrong and it all puts a strain on the relationship.

Secretive gamblers get into the chasing behaviour along the lines of Im going to pay the debts off and buy my partner a lovely holiday to make it all right again. Secrets only lead to the temptation that everythings going to come right tomorrow

I would like to hear from people who stopped gambling without telling anyone. I do understand not wanting to spoil the kids Christmas but these things tend to come out into the open anyway

There has to be a moment though when the time is right and it has to be worded carefully with the things you immediately plan to do about it. Telling people in a sullen, reticent way with no plan of action is going to be tough for everyone concerned

I have to say that a loving relationship is about sharing troubles and partners deserve to know

I dont know every relationship and have to say that gambling addiction could be a real test of the strength of that relationship.

I believe that its better to tell people than the new lows gambling can take you down to.

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

Hi everyone my first time on here, I didn't tell but was found out by my boyfriend because I used money that didn't belong to me, I had saved the bet slips because...I was when I picked up the corage going to tell him about what I was doing and spent £4000. He kicked me out and when he was packing he found the slips took a photo and put on Facebook Christmas Eve that I was a liar and a thief for all our friends and family to see. Now 2 oh my sons have disowned me and my whole world has fallen apart so please, please it's best to tell someone thank you for your time

Hi silk flowers and welcome. Sounds as though you are in a tough place right now. Are you getting some support?

To anyone thinking of hiding this addiction from a loved one or family. Don't !

It has cost me dearly hiding. From experience the hurt caused to the innocent is ugly.

Best to be honest. Being upfront could save your relationship

Hi

On walking in to the recovery program I did not have a clue how unhealthy and emotionally vulnerable I was.

As a child when I was asked to be honest I was punished for being honest.

So as an adult I feared being honest to others and to my self.

On walking in to the recovery program I never fully understood how unhealthy I was.

I was not stupid dumb or evil, I was simply emotionally vulnerable.

I even thought that is I could stop gambling I would be happy.

That was not so.

On walking in to the recovery program I now understand was the process that would lead me to healing the pains from my life.

Many unhealed pains caused fears in me that I did not fully understand.

So abstaining was just the start to my healing the hurt inner child in me.

Once healing process started my fears would reduce over time.

I am a non religious person yet I am more of a spirtual person.

My lies only indicated the pains and fears in me not resolved or healed.

My lies stopped me from getting honest with my self.

How often do we have a telephone list of people we can talk to, yet we fail to connect with people why.

A telephone list enables us to share and understand how vulnerable we are yet also empower us to make much healthier choices.

The meetings often raise more questions than answers.

How often after meetings do we find people talking for hours after wards.

The recovery program helps us help our self finding much healthier choices in our life today.

I enjoy my fearless healthy emotional intimacy moments much more today.

Those healthy emotional intimacy moments help heal the hurt inner child in me.

Not having to lie today indicated that I am living in less fear and less pain today.

Love peace and healing to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

I'm new here, I know I need to stop as leaving myself with nothing to live on, so always borrowing to try to get a win. I really wanna tell my sister as I don't think she would judge as much as others. But she's been diagnosed with in operable bowel cancer 😢. Obviously we're all going through this tough time , my addiction seems like nothing compared to what she has to go through. I can't give her more stress.

Thanks for letting me share and off load, any advice would be appreciated x

Dear Mandz,

First, we are sorry to hear about your sister’s illness and the impact that must have on you. Thank you for sharing your situation with us on your first post.

You may find it beneficial to start an introductory post just about yourself in the ‘New Members Intros’ part of our Forum. People can then respond in more detail to your story in a supportive way that includes knowing that you are new to opening up about this situation and they can channel their recommendations due to the ‘stage’ of gambling recovery journey you seem to be experiencing.

Second, if you are in the UK please do consider calling the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 (or connect to our Advisors via web-chat) to have a discussion about blocks and self-exclusions etcetera that may aid you in reducing or stopping gambling. I was concerned to read that you may “leave myself with nothing to live on” please do look to see if you can access some practical support with elements like food through www.turn2us.org.uk and/or www.trusselltrust.org.uk.

Wishing you warmth and peer support here,

Louise

Forum Admin

Hi

The more lies I tell the more fear I live in.

The lies I tell hurt my self and other people.

The lies I tell are a betrayal of people trust.

When I tell lies I am hurting my self.

There is and was a saying that honesty is the best policy.

To avoid being honest I use to make promises I knew I could not keep.

In time I gave up make promises and would say I will or I willl not.

Lies and broken promises undermined my life with my family.

Just for today I do not want or need to gamble.

Just for today I do not want or need to lie.

Buy investing my time and effort in to my recovery I have become amuch healthier person.

Money was never going to make a healthy person.

Money was never going to nstop me gambling.

Money was just the fuel  for my addiction.

Love healing and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham