Hi
I am a non religious person.
I now understand that I could find a much healthier life with out my addictions and obsessions and make much healthier choices.
Before my recovery I use to react in unhealthy ways to my angers, I use to react in unhealthy ways to my pains, I use to react in unhealthy ways to my fears.
Now I understand that my addictions and obsessions indicated that I had certain emotional triggers.
Being in the recovery I would learn to abstain from my unhealthy addictions and obsessions.
Being in the recovery I would learn to heal my pains.
Being in the recovery I would learn to feace adn reduce my fears.
Being in the recovery I would learn to reduce my expectations of people life and situations.
Being in the recovery I would learn to accet the simple fact I could not change my past unhealthy habits.
I use to lie because I lived in high levels of fears and anxiety.
Because of my high high levels of fears I would go in to panick mode where I would be unable to think things out clearly.
Pains earlier in my life caused me to live in so many fears.
I use to fear being honest.
I use to fear being questioned.
I use to fear rejection and abandonment.
I use to fear being accountable.
Through the recovery meetings and therapies my fears would reduce and I could articulate my feelings and my emotions.
In time I would move on from abstaining from addictions and obsessions and start to heal the hurt inner child in me.
I suffered in so many ways in my child hood.
It was important to heal my pains and coming out of the emotional trauma I use to bury and supress.
In the recovery meetings and therapies I would find my self laughing in so many ways.
The question is did I ever think I would laugh at my self.
In time I would understand that my addictions and obsessions only indicated how emotionally vulnerable I use to be.
How ever far we come in our recovery that on seeing and hearing therapies we understand where we came from but more importantly we can see and live a future life free of our unhealthy reactions.
For me the recovery program is not about who is right or wrong but more about what is healthy or unhealthy.
I have been in recovery since 1971.
I have been clean in my recovery since 1992.
I question why it took me so long over 20 years to understand that recovery was all about healing the hurt inner child in me.
Yet how many times when questioned how I was I would say I was fine or not so bad, was that the truth.
How many times did I think that if I got back the money I had lost would make things better and heal my pains.
I am an open book in my recovery.
I am seriously a survivor.
I am able to set boudaries and have a voice from a place of peace.
How much time and effort was I willing to invest in to my becoming a much healthier healed person.
Healing love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham.
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