Untill I much more put time effort and attendeded as many meetings which helped me from abstaining my addictions.

Hi

I am a non religious person yet I was able to find a much healthy productive life with out causing my self less and  less pains.

I like many people had given up all fath in my self, I thought that I was worthless.

I was even jealous and angry at people who finding much healthier lives.

I use to go to 3 or 4 meetings just to abstain from gambling.

The time the chair was open to any one and I would not volunteer to talk, then when meeting closed because I had not spoken I was angry

In time I found a meeting in North London that was very honest, some times to honest, I use to go from Kent to go to that meetings.

Why was that meeting so important to my recovery, it was very much abaout giving therapies talking about when we were emotionally vulnerable and then procesing it in a much healthier way.

As I got more honest my pains came out, my fears came out, my frustrations came out,

my procrastinating came out, as I got in to more therapies I got to understand how emotionally vulnerable I was.

I decided to arrive at meeting half an hour early, I was more relxed, I helped set up room, I cahtted lots more before meetings.

In time I Handed over all finances to my wife, that one healthy thing to do.

Money use to be a control issue for me.

Now I only carry small amounts of money on my person.

Money was never going to make me feel succesful in my self.

Money was never going to heal my pains.

Anger rage indicated that the hurt inner child nad not healed his pains.

Fear indicated that I had not faced or reduced my fears.

Living in my fears caused me to stress out over simple things.

Living in my high lelevs of fears caused me to go in to Panick where I was unable to make cear healthy decisions.

Each time I went back to my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations.

In time I would exchange my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations to a more stable way of thinking. 

It takes time to not get angry.

It takes time to not get filled with hatred and resentments.

As I started to heal my deep seated pains I would became a much healthier person.

The addictions the obsessions just indicated how emotionally vulnerable I use to be.

Just for today I do not want or need to gamble.

It took lots of time to heal the hurt inner child in me.

Love healing and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham