Hey all,
From a CG point of view, what do you want from your family and friends as in help wise?
I want to help my boyfriend as much as i can and to be sure i am dealing with it the right way when he has the urge to gamble or has gambled etc etc.
Many Thanks,
Hi Claire
I can't give you the CG's point of view but standard advice for friends and family is to protect your own finances, ask for proof of everything your CG says relating to money - preferably taking control of the finances to protect the household and to put yourself and your needs first. You can't control whether he gambles or not but there's no reason to keep secrets for him or to walk on eggshells.
Hi Claire, welcome to the forum 🙂
Unfortunately, what we want & what we need are poles apart. I thought I wanted a mind reader to step in & stop me gambling when truth was, I was the only person who could stop myself and what I really wanted was a scape goat so I could continue & have someone else to blame. Fortunately, what I got was someone who refused to buy into my crazy scheme. My now hubby took control of my finances (well took about 15 bank & credit cards plus all my internet passwords) so that I couldn't gamble in secret anymore. I qualify this because I still had to manage the bills & he never scrutinised my credit reports which I would recommend to any loved one accepting this responsibility. It's pretty demeaning for us having to ask for pocket money or produce receipts to the penny for any cash that we have but it was needs must for me.
There is no right way to deal with it & the best advice I can give is look after yourself, trust nothing he or you can't prove & arm yourself to the teeth with knowledge. Call the helpline, get to a GamAnon meeting, maybe even consider counselling (GamCare will provide this free of charge) because living with us especially if we are active can be incredibly painful. If he tells you about urges, be glad that he's fighting & distract him if possible.
What I wanted then was to gamble, now the fog has cleared, I want him to be supportive of my recovery because stopping gambling is about way more than just money. In learning to live with our addiction, we have to figure stuff out about ourselves which can be challenging & painful. For some that means their partners go to meetings as many times a week as they need to go, for me it's meant many hours on the internet & him putting up with horrendous mood swings that I used to mask because of guilt.
Hope this is of some use. Look after you - ODAAT
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