We first discovered our married son gambled last year. He swore it was a 'one off', his wife was pregnant and he's normally a good lad so we helped bail him out but with proviso he paid us back which he has been doing every month since. He joined a GA group and his wife has been really supportive. However we have just learned the same thing has happened again, his wife and baby have moved out and he is a mess. He swears this is the only time since last time but we aren't sure we can believe him. He has a good job but pressured, his debts are big and he's still trying to pay last times as well. We are concerned about him, however we will not give him anymore financial help. What can we do? we are so out of our depth it's scaring us.
Thanks Half Life - I hadnt even thought of asking for proof - I will now. He seems to want to deal with the problem and is trying to arrange counselling and debt advice but neither we or his wife are sure how much debt he's in and he is reluctant to put a figure on it - its a nightmare!
Hi,
My husband is a CG and in my experience there are two possibilities, a CG in genuine recovery or a CG who actively gambles. Active includes continued lying, paying lip service and apparent half measures intended to redirect enquiries from nearest and dearest. It also involves excuses about why the normal barriers and measures required for recovery are not appropriate.
Genuine recovery involves regular attendance at GA and or counselling, plus admitting the full extent of the problem plus full cooperation with barriers plus full financial disclosure and handing over financial control. Anything less is the half measures outlined above that are intended to leave the door open to gamble.
If you want to know the extent of the debt, obtain credit reports from the three main credit reference agencies in his name, his wife's, possibly even yours. Again, he will cooperate if he is in recovery but not otherwise.
It is indeed a nightmare, get help for you from GamCare, GA or friends, whatever works.
Best wishes,
CW
I think it will really help him if you would take him I mean leave together is this possible? You will have more control!
I'm back again. 5 weeks after I thought he couldn't get any lower my son has gambled again! His wife gave him another chance but this time has left for good. We all helped him sort his mess out (not money help), he got on a 1-1 counselling course and has been attending his weekly GA meetings and still he relapsed! We now discover he stopped the 1-1 because (he said) it was very meditational and he didn't buy into it? He is very low again, feeling disgusted with himself and he's lost his family. We can't abandon him - he's our son but my husband is very angry and wants to leave him to it. Practically he will be unable to continue living in his rented house and support his wife and baby given the level of debt he has. I feel he has deeper mental issues he needs to address and want to arrange for him to see a psychotherapist - will this help? Also I am going to attend a family GA meeting I need to try and understand this addiction.
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