Boyfriend’s gambling..

Hi Isla,

My partner is a gambler, well, in recovery. We live together and he handed over his finances to me when he came clean about his problem, around 4 months ago. He is living now in a small allowance.  I have also access to his emails, and bank account. 

I understand how you feel at the moment. He shouldn't blame you for looking into his phone, it's normal since you don't trust him,and of course he got defensive and blaming you because he knows he did something wrong and he tries to hide it. This is what gamblers do. This addiction is fed from lies,secrets and deceit. 

You are right. No one can tell you what to do. Every person, and every relationship is different. My advice would be to take some time and think about the situation. Then try to have a honest conversation with your partner,see if he is willing to deal with this and start again with his recovery. Only time will tell. But keep in mind that if you stay with him, this is possible to happen again. 

You are not alone here.

Wish you best of luck 

Helen 

he has a gambling problem , please prepare to distance yourself from him both financially and emotionally because he will do serious damage otherwise

do not give him money and do not enable him to gamble .....you cannot make him stop but you can give him an ultimatium you or the gambling 

Hi Isla

I’m a gambler and What you describe is similar to what I have put my wife through for the last 10 years, except I have never gone defensive and put the blame on her.

I have lied hundreds of times over the years to my wife to try hide what I had done, at first I lied to hide it so I could continue to bet but over the past few years I have genuinely lied to hide the fact I had gambled because I didn’t want to break her heart again because I’ve seen way too many times how much pain it’s caused.

My biggest concern for you is that from what you say, rather than accepting responsibility of what he’s done he’s blaming others, that’s something I have never done as I have felt nothing but guilt for the pain I have caused yet again.

i understand your partner is nervous about going back to GA, I have gone back many times with my head hanging in shame but this is a group of people who are or have been there and done what he’s done, they will welcome him back with open arms.

i understand the lies hurt more than anything, my wife always said it’s the lies that hurt the most and she doesn’t understand how I can lie like that to someone I’m supposed to love, but gambling and lies come hand in hand, I’ve never purposely done anything to hurt my wife but from my experience there’s me and there’s gambling me, me loves life and those closest to me more than anything. Gambling me doesn’t even have a second thought about anyone. Gambling me has had me losing those I love most and living in a box room at my parents while trying to slowly gain trust back from my wife I’m the hope I can be the husband I should of always been. 

tell your partner to get help before he loses everything like myself and many others already have.