My husband has accumulated large debt for the third time in as many years. I have taken out loans each time to consolidate and enable us to get back on track. He wants me to do this again and assures me it won’t happen again.
i can take another loan out and we will be back on track and able to afford life again (just!), or I refuse this time (as I did say last time I wouldn’t do it again), but he would have to get an ‘arrange to pay’ and essentially default on his debt. Which, I believe will effect me as well, and that we probably won’t be able to get a mortgage again for a very long time etc.
im also worried about the risk of bayliffs coming to the house with the latter option, as we have two small children 🙁
do I take on more of his debt in my name, or do I let him sort it out via ‘arrangement to pay’?
my gut is saying not to take anymore for him. As I need to hold firm with that consiquence and stop enabling it. Also our relationship is rocky, and I don’t want to be left with all his debt if anything were to happen.
but on the other hand, a management plan and defaults are not ideal for our future living situation, and when my credit record is tied to his.
Help!
WWUD?
Hi there @FairyC123,
Thanks for sharing on the forum. It sounds like a very difficult situation, I hope you are getting enough support. I'd like to suggest that you get in touch with the helpline 0808 8020 133, and ask to be referred to GamCare's Money Guidance Service, who will be able to offer some support to you.
All the best
Jane Forum Admin
Hi there,
I'm sorry to see that no one has replied to you and so I felt compelled to do so. I'm so sorry that you're going through this! It must be incredibly frustrating and stressful.
Have you phoned the GamCare helpline yet? If not, I strongly advise that you do so, to get the support that you need.
Bailing your husband out for the third time in as many years is a big step to take, but as you've said, if you don't, this could negatively impact you in other ways.
Either way you are going to be negatively impacted however taking on more debt to bail him out is a very big thing. Is he receiving help? Is he genuinely determined to never let this happen again and to stop gambling completely? This is the ONLY way forward. Has be installed Gamban and put other blocks on? Has he asked for support through this gamcare community yet? You haven't mentioned anything to suggest that he is actually very remorseful. I'm sure he is in a lot of pain - all problem gamblers are however actions obviously speak louder than words.
I myself am the gambler. My fiance knows that I had an issue with it in the past but not that I still do. Today is my day one. I've promised myself that I'm going to stop so many times in the past, but have relapsed several times. I earn good money so have been able to hide it. I've had enough of the lies and deceit and most importantly, I've had enough of lieing to myself. This is the biggest truth - he will keep lieing to you if he is still in denial and still lieing to himself.
Please get the support that you need and deserve. I will keep messaging you and replying to this thread if it helps you in any way.
Stay strong and please put yourself and your children first hun xx
Please don’t do it. Take it from someone who did this merry dance three times over 20 years. Nothing will ever change.
The only thing that will happen is you will end up with all of his debt in your name.
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