Does it ever get better?

I'm not sure if you've done this before but giving him an ultimatum in regards to his gambling might be a good idea.

Maybe saying if you want this to work out for the better you have to stop gambling all together no questions asked.

Gamstop and gamban enabled and being barred from betting shops near him etc. Basically everything in place to prevent any future gambling.

Maybe saying to him if he does it again that's the relationship over and if you make that very clear to him he only has the option to keep gambling or to not gamble for the sake of the family.

@xm9kqou8wl I am really sorry you are going through this.  It is not fair that you are in this situation.

My first reaction is...  Only your husband can make himself better. You can facilitate this but it is not your responsibility because nothing you do can make it happen.

 No-one can make a problem gambler recover.  Only he can do it for himself.  You can give him reasons to stop but if he continues it isn't a reflection on you or his feelings for you.  It is a horrible addiction.

Only you can make the next step.  Others may think what you do next is obvious but they are not living your life.  Only you can decide. They don't live with the consequences, you do.

One thing I would definitely do is take control of your finances.  He can't be allowed access to your money.

It's all about protecting yourself at the same time as supporting him.  But also understanding that when you have an addict in your life clear lines have to be drawn.   I would be interested how he feels about using your joint savings.

@tfivlhc9yq I've given him an ultimatum before and here we are 4 years on from his last bet and hes done it again. I honestly don't know which way is up. I'm so lost my self. I've blocked him from all finances. He put all the self excludes in place like the last time but after a few years he thinks he better and doesn't renew them. 

@thebean I'm not sure how much he wants it. I think he loves the gambling more than he loves his family.  

He keeps saying I f****d up I'm sorry. But doesn't really say much about taking the money from the savings. 

I just feel sick. We are back here again. 

It not only ruins the gambler's life but also the people around him. Your children are the most important thing and if they are affected then it may be time to give him some sort of wake up call..

Hi Lauren, 

As hard as it sounds, if you have given him an ultimatum in the past and the terms have been broken then you need to really follow through to make him see sense. 

I have seen a lot of posts on here over the years regarding ultimatums; the problem with an ultimate is that if you do not follow through, then there is no reason for a gambler (or anyone, for that matter) to take it seriously. I know this personally from previous experience, my ex gave me multiple "ultimatums" over the years but they never really resonated with me as after the first time, I knew they were just empty threats. 

It's not an easy decision to make, especially when you are looking at relocating to a different country, but you also have to consider what things like will be like in Australia. Will your husband be working or will he be able to just go to the casino all day or play the poker machines in the pubs/clubs. I am not judging, but it reads like he has stolen money from you and ignored any blockers/ultimatums that have been put in place in the past. 

I do not know your circumstances or what support you have available in Aus, but maybe if you want to give one final ultimatum you could always say that you are going over there with the kids, if he stays gamble free for 6 months he can come over otherwise you will start a new life over there. 

Unfortunatley with most of these situations, you need to look at whats best for you and the kids and try to not be too emotional over the situation with your husband. you have done nothing wrong, why should you all suffer. 

I'm really new here so I don't have lots of clever advice, but I wanted to say hello and let you know that you are not alone. I can feel the pain in your post, sending love and strength to you

@xm9kqou8wl 

Hi Lauren, I am in exactly the same position as you, I found out this week my husband has gambled again and spent thousands. I am wondering the same as you, friends don’t understand the pain and hurt I feel by the deception…..yet again! I don’t know if it will ever get better but I have made the decision not to continue with my marriage as I am not strong enough or willing to go through this again. 

@han05 Hi, thank you for your post. Im so sorry that your marriage has ended. Me and my husband have started couple counselling to help navigate us through what will be the best outcome for us. One of the best bits of advice I got was that no matter if I stayed to work through it or if I chose to leave, I still needed to work through the hurt and betrayal. That's been 2weeks of us going to counselling. You definitely need to do what best for you. But I would suggest to make sure your work through that pain. I'm sending you so much love. It's a horrible addiction. Xx

@han05 sorry to hear this. One of the biggest issues with gambling addiction is that a lot of people (including gamblers) don't really understand the impact it has on others. People can understand alcochol/drug addictions to an extent and sympathise, but with gambling the most common response I see is "it's not hard, just stop gambling" which really does not help people. 

Ending a marriage is never easy (unfortunatley I have been through two divorces) but don't beat yourself up thining you are not strong enough to make it work. It actually takes a really strong person to be able to turn around and say "right, enough of this it's time to move on".