I am very mad but also worried and i need advice.
About a year or two back my boyfriend started gambling alot, he was paid weekly and every friday would go out with the boys at work to w**********l and gamble, at that time he had money to do it so i never noticed although he told me after he had before gambled his whole weeks wages. I felt i couldn't be mad at him as it was his money and he told me he would only gamble when he had the money to do so.
He quit his job and after that i didn't notice his gambling as much although he used to do it online and football bets, he would sometimes lie to me about borrowing money from people and it was once "accidently" taken out of my account for online gambling. Every time i tried to talk to him he would get angry at me and just tell me it was a thing he enjoyed doing, and it was now only 10/20 pounds or so a week on football bets.
He recently moved in with me but with no job as he has been looking for one, in that time i have been supporting him with buying food etc. It has been quite tough as i havent got much money myself and have got annoyed at him for me having to pay out for everything. He has also been borrowing money from me to go out and the past two weeks he hasnt had a pound to his name so yet again i've paid for everything. Yesterday he asked me if he could go put a football bet on as he had 3 pounds which he found in his jacket. I told him he could. Later that night i had gone into his pocket and there was his football slip, he snatched it out of my hand and i eventually got it out of him that it was a 20 pound bet which he said he had found "in his account." I don't know where this money had come from and i am so angry that if he had found that 20 pounds he could of given it to me to help out with the expenses. I am at the end now and don't know what to
As an addict myself it does sound like he may have an addiction, that was how I started, a few quid here a few quid there and it wasn't long before I was spending hundreds of pounds, some mine some my wife's, I was building a huge web of lies to cover each and every track. Not paying bills/rent and just generally not supporting my poor wife and two children. Gambling is a horrible illness that grabs you and refuses to let go, yesterday I took a huge step in admitting the problem and seeking help. Coming on here is the best thing I've done. It's not easy for an addict to admit the problem but be there for him, support him and tell him you are there for him every step of the way. I'm just starting my journey, I hope your boyfriend can begin his too. Best of luck and love to you both.
thank you both so much, after this i have just realised 30 pounds is missing from my account which has added fuel to the fire. I feel like such a mug and so cheated.
Hi, RheaRhea,
It is horrible but you need to take action to protect yourself and your finances. Change all passwords, get your cards cancelled and reissued and get new PINs.
I would question what is his money and what is household money. If you end up paying for everything, even essentials, you are freeing up "his" money for gambling. I made this mistake. My husband is presently in recovery but I discovered that having inherited and also gone back to work, for a long time I had been paying for almost everything whilst he gambled his wages. I also felt v cheated. His wages are no longer his gambling money, instead they are family money as they should be. He lives here and consumes, it's his home too and his children too, he can also pay.
If your bf wants to stop, you should expect to see regular attendance at GA meetings and or counselling, plus openness about it, plus barriers, that is, blocking software and handing financial control to you. If you don't see all of these things, then his behaviour won't change and you're in for more of the same. You can't control what he does but you can make some hard choices about how much of this addict behaviour you tolerate and for how long, about whether or not you let yourself be dragged down with him.
Get help for you from GamCare or GamAnon, read the forum, you need as much info as possible.
Take care,
CW
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