Dont know where to turn or what to do!

Phone the helpline BETTYD!

You are an innocent victim of this madness that engulfs us & allows us to become people we don't recognise or like. GP & GA are a good start but one meeting won't fix what will be deep rooted issues that are going to take a lot of guts & patience & determination to learn how to live with. And that's just him.

Your recovery may be equally as difficult especially given how much he has hurt you. You will be questioning everything right now, hurt & angry possibly in equal measures & lost as to where to go next.

The best advice I can give is arm yourself with as much information you can about addiction, as you are doing & look after you as you decide how to move forwards. As a bare minimum, I would take steps to protect your finances & insist on full access to his finances including credit reports...Why should you be working 2 jobs for a better life when he has continually lied to you throughout you relationship. Try not to think too far ahead, marrying a compulsive gambler is a huge risk for you & your little girl & not something you should be worrying about @ the minute. If you do decide to move forwards with him, you'll need to be able to separate love & money which is a huge challenge but vital...Us CG's are not to be trusted & actions speak louder than words.

Look after you - ODAAT

Hi

I'm so sorry to hear what your going through and I have also just found out about my partners gambling, I do not want to tell you what to do as only you can decide that but I have cut off now. He made me physically and mentally destroyed and that's an understatement. Not only through his gambling, lies and stealing from me but also the promises he made. What I had to realise is when someone say they love you it means nothing it's just words that are said to gain trust, the most important meaning of love are their ACTIONS and no one should make another human being feel so low and upset. I've cried at times I've wanted to pull my brain out of my head to stop the feelings he has made me experience but the only way for me to start to feel happy and normal again is to cut off and focus on myself and my son and the people who do SHOW me love. I really do feel for you and please don't be alone don't keep it all in like I did the best thing I did was tell people tell anyone and everyone how your feeling get it all out and don't carry it around eating away at you. Go and see your doctor, speak to friends and family and come in this group to talk there are so many people here that can give you strength. Please look after you and your girl you deserve the unconditional love that is your right as a human being. Big hugs from me.

Thank you so much for your support.. He has already attended GA meeting and has had huge support from fellow peope in the same boat.

He has barred himself from all the betting sites that he has been using. We are trying to apply blocking software but this is proving very difficult on certain devises. The main thing now is he has recognised the problem is there and he desperately wants to get better.

What hurts me more than anything is the deceipt. I feel angry about that. i am starting to accept that this is greater than him as it is an illness and i know if he could stop he would stop - this is why hes getting professional help. We have argued massively about it all - at the same time im trying to show support. I have a 5 year old daughter and I need to make sure she will not be affected by any of this. the moment she does, it will be a different scenario for us.

We spoke last night together. I just wanted to say that I suported him and that I did not want to end our relationship. I did make it clear though that boundaries had to be implemented to ensure all the help that is out there is being used to beat this addiction. He is applying for a cash card and we will cut up his debit card. I have asked him to ask the bank to put a daily limit of £50 on this. He is also asking the banks to take him off the credit card mailing lists for temptation to apply. We never really have this sort of mail but he managed to get one on line. He has unticked/ unsubscribed emails. The more we can do the better chance he has.

The one thing he has refused to do is let me have access to his bank account. He flipped out and said that he will not be mothered and treated like a child and that he has to retain some control. I told him that i dont trust him at all and that it will take a long time for trust to be re-built and this will reassure me that he and I are safe financially. Am I asking too much for access??

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Thank you allainepo

Sorry, Betty, sounds ominous. First time round, my husband refused to show me what was going on with his bank account, or the children's, he was gambling unabated. This time round he handed over financial control because he knows that he can't be trusted with money/gambling tokens.

CW

I'm with allainepo & CW...Not only do you need access to his 'bank' account but you need to see his credit reports to ensure there is only the one! I had @ least 8 different bank accounts with various open accounts in each & credit cards plus a further 5 credit cards - off the top of my head. There were loans & mortgages on top of that (sigh) & still I continued! Only way I could properly surrender my finances was to hand over the lot, including all computer passwords.

If he's kidding himself he's got any sort of control after watching you work 2 jobs then he doesn't get it. He has no right to be flipping out & placing demands on you but equally, be sure to follow through on any that you feel you need to make. You don't have to 'take over' & give him pocket money but being able to see his activity is vital, even a £50 limit on a basic card can do enough damage to keep the gambling dream well & truly alive. I have control back now but ensure that hubby keeps an eye on accounts so it doesn't have to be forever, just until you are ready.

We are so sly, you really do have to protect yourself - ODAAT