Hi, I've been coming on here for several months but never posting. I've finally plucked up the courage to put it out there. Been with my CG for almost 2 years now and as much as I love him, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to cope with the lies, manipulation and empty promises.
After every binge (?) he feels worthless and empty, promises to stop but never does. He asks me to control his money but when it comes to it he refuses to hand it over, that causes arguments which he says then makes him gamble. So effectively its MY fault because I should believe him and trust him!!!! He gave me access to his accounts but when I check them and question him about withdrawals, I'm told my behaviour is unhealthy. I'm only doing what he asked me to do!!!!!
His last episode left him wanting to end his life but 3 days later, yep, you guessed it, back to gambling again because apparently I'd stressed him out.
We don't live together so luckily we have no joint financial commitments and he is unable to get any credit so no debts just no money.
He refuses to talk to me about it unless he's experiencing the come down and is feeling low. If I try to have a conversation he tells me I'm negative and that we have a great future and I should be positive and happy. How can I when I know it's just a matter of time until he 'blows' again and is back to square one, full of remorse and self hatred, not to mention skint.
Aside from the money part of things, there's the complete lack of emotion when he's in the swing of full addiction. Lack of attention, affection and even acknowledgement that I exist. He pushes everyone away including friends and family and just wallows in his own little bubble of addiction.
I've added online blockers to his phone and he says he's self excluded from the bookies but he just drives to the next one. It's almost like he wants to stop but is afraid of closing down every avenue because it's too scary. I know I can't do anything to stop him and I've protected myself from any of his financial burden but I'm just so sad that we don't seem to have a future.
Sorry for rambling but I've cried all day and just needed to get this out
Hi camper van, ask yourself do you want this forever? Handling money is great but almost impossible if he's still gambling and has access. My interpretation is you control, he has cash to buy necessities and supplies a receipt. This isn't your fault or your responsibility. This isn't healthy for you. You're upset but haven't done anything to cause it. This is his problem. You have to ask yourself do you want to be treated like this by someone who is willing to drive around to place a bet. There are many ways to block online and in bookies. He doesn't want to stop. This will go on for as long as you're willing to put up with it. call gamcare and talk to someone. It's all confidential and it's a safe place to talk. If you continue the relationship it's definitely advisable to go to a gamanon meeting.
He doesn't want to stop.
How do you want life to be?
I don't want this in my life. I have called gamcare and been referred for counselling so I can get my feelings out and gain strength for my next steps.
It's hard because I don't understand how a person can hate gambling and know what it does but on the other hand is scared to let go of it.
The financial side for me isn't an issue as we dont have joint finances/ mortgages but it's the emotional distance it creates that I find difficult. The way he isolates himself when he's in full flow. I suffer with issues of insecurity already so this distance seems to make these feelings worse.
Hi I'm not sure how this works
But I sound like him. I have had a gambling addiction for about 2 years and I finally broke down to my friend just at the weekend. The past year has been really bad for me and iv had to tell lie after lie to my girlfriend. My friend has offered to pay my debts which I am so grateful for and I'm seeing this as a big chance to change my life so I'm going to do it for myself and so I don't let them down. Iv taken my 1st step to recovery so now I just have to pluck up the courage to tell my girlfriend everything as I don't want to lie anymore as gambling is ruining my life and actually making me depressed.
Hi tommyb you need to start new topic in new members section. Also don't take a bailout from a friend it's your debt.
Hi campervan try and learn about addiction. An addict uses to cope with what they can't deal with, it becomes learned behaviour. This is nothing about you. The counselling will help. You might have to wait though.
MERRY GO ROUND.... I know it's my debt and that's why iv set up a standing order to repay him every month so please don't judge me before you know the facts. ALRIGHT? I'm new to this and I don't have a clue how it works. I just want to get better so don't you judge me.
Hi tommyb,
Try not to take some of what is said on here as criticism...Im not sure MRG meant it in the way you are reading it. Everyone, including the f&f are here to offer avdice on things that you can do to help you with stopping to gamble. Some you may like and some you may not but nobody here is to intentionally upset anyone.
As she suggests go and find the the New Members Intro Forum and open a thread and introduce yourself to everyone.
Best of luck
Damo
How do i find this??
Thank you
Click on this link http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forums/new-members-intros-forum .
Press new topic (Blue bitton), give it a name and then type away.
I ended the relationship. No ultimatums, just a firm and final closure. I'm sad but I know it's the right thing to do and as hard as it will be, I know that even if he were to stop gambling completely, it would still be over because the lies and manipulation have destroyed every ounce of trust and respect I ever had for him. I'm off to Greece tomorrow for a week with friends which is something we could not have done together due to him always blowing his money and my refusal to pick up his financial slack.
Have a great holiday. It's a tough decision but probably for the best.
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