Hi all,
I have been with my bf 4 years. Disclosed at the start he had past difficulties with gambling, before me 30,000 debt. His parents paid it off and he got help.
Over the past 4 months he has been distant & secretive. I’ve asked if he’s ok, he said he was. I felt I was paranoid. I asked him last week if he had gambled. He said no and that it’s sad I can’t trust him. He then said his MH was bad so I suggested he sees his family and friends for a change of scenery. I had doubts and asked for access to his betting apps, he made excuses but I was firm, saw he has spent a few thousand over 3-4 months. He told me if I didn’t find it, he wouldn’t have told me as it’s taken over. He told his family, and has signed up for therapy/attended a GA group this week.
I haven’t been able to speak to him for days. I was planning for a future. It’s my house, fortunately, so I pay a majority and I’ve asked for little from him as I assumed he didn’t have much left, we haven’t been able to go out much. I felt ok as we were saving and he had some debt to clear then found out he’s been spending the remainder of his wages/savings gambling. He’s broken my trust and I don’t know if I can see past it. I feel I’ll be a paranoid wreck wanting to see his statements and apps constantly. The way he was so believable at times when he lied for months, made me feel crazy. He is a good person, I just haven’t seen it recently but I don’t know if that’s enough.
My mum went through addiction and doing this again scares me. He has been upset, saying it took over, and he wants to change and can’t imagine losing me but I don’t know if he’s getting help just because I caught him out. This is the 2nd-3rd time I know about him relapsing. He said it’s an outlet when he feels depressed but doesn’t know why he’s depressed. I feel so isolated, angry and confused.
Does it ever get better? How do you ever trust again? I worry about buying in the future, becoming financially tied, having children, him feeling low and doing this again. His behaviour the last few months, lies and manipulation worried me, what if I believed it again.
Its a tricky situation at my height of my addiction nothing could stop me from gambling my family paid my debts of my ex loaned me money which in return i spent on gambling i know i had an addiction but i was too far gone its only the last few years i wanted to change i have improved significantly sounds like your partner is in it deep, gambling is like drugs addicts get addicted to it issue is you have to put the effort in you have to be committed he needs to show u he wants to do something about it otherwise the addiction will take over and he will be in even worse situation, very few people have changed and some havent had a bet in decades but i do notice one thing in common they understand its a life long addiction so they can't afford to bet, it a diffcult situation to be in but if he anything like me 10 years ago i would tell you to pack your bags and leave, i regret what i did to fund this addiction i wish i never placed my first bet i hate gambling as it destroyed my life
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