I could really do with some advice.
I have found out that since my husband started work he has been using payday loan companies again. This used to be a BIG problem some years ago and he always promised that it was something he would never do again but, alas, here we are, hundreds of pounds owing to them already. He used the joint account, which is a worry, as I'm unsure if they can use money from any of my other accounts if he fails to pay them back?! Where do I stand legally if this happens? I wasn't aware until after he had taken the money out with them what he'd done. I have been trying to get him to sign to say I can come off this joint account but he refuses to. I have no reason or understanding as to why but he won't do it. I'm worried to death and have started having panic attacks and nose bleeds due to the stress of worrying. I'm not sleeping either but can't talk to him about it as when I have tried to all I get from him is that he is a grown man and can do what he wants when he wants and if I don't like it I can leave but the children stay with him.
I feel like I'm sinking.
I'd be concerned if he wouldn't let you leave the account sounds to me like there's more to it , for instance he could of taken out loans using the account and the loan could be a joint one where as if you leave they'll want repayment before this happens , personally I'd check your credit report noodle do it free of charge ,
UPDATE
I have found out that he has now used 4 payday loan companies totalling nearly 1K. I have no idea how he plans on paying that back as he earns nowhere near as he is only part time. I feel sick with worry. How could he do this again? I'm really very concerned about how this will affect us, especially if these companies can access my accounts, as he has used the joint account to get access to these loans. Is there anyone on here that can advise me please?
Hi, Sad,
Sorry to see that the situation is ongoing but no less sorry to see that he's continuing to dish out what you're continuing to take. On the basis that nothing changes if nothing changes, the advice is the same as others said to you previously: for you to change you, your responses. Are you eligible for any further counselling?
Wishing you strength.
CW
Hi Sad
My ex also took (and continues to take) out a number of payday loans to fund his gambling habit. The difference was that it was in his name only. In my case, I checked and, because of this, they couldn't come after me for the money, unless he declared himself bankrupt at some point. I ended up getting a post nuptial agreement written up (by a solicitor) to protect myself as, at that point, I had a lot of savings at risk. It cost me thousands but was worth it for the peace of mind. Unfortunately, if your partner has taken the loans out in a joint name, I am pretty sure you could be liable. Maybe phone stepchange for advice?
Sorry to not be able to give you some more positive news, but better armed with the information.... Take care x
Hi there. As far as I am aware they cannot access your personal accounts but the joint account unfortunately yes they can. I think the advice above is very good. Get him to get in touch with StepChange before this spirals further out of control and set up a debt management plan. The underlying problem is whether or not he is still gambling which I don't think you mentioned? If he is I would be very wary about anything he promises.
Many, not all, active addicts of different poisons are great liars and great manipulators and I think your main concern at the moment should be your health - especially if you are having panic attacks and nose bleeds - and your children. The threats you mention about the children staying with him are totally out of order and it sounds like he's bullying/emotionally blackmailing you?
EDIT: I just read one of your posts from April and unless something has changed since then he is still gambling? It was a very emotional post and I get the impression you want out of this relationship but with your personal finances secure? I'm not trying to be intrusive and am "glad" that although I lied to my wife I never threatened or bullied her like your partner seems to be doing.
Cynical wife wrote:
Hi, Sad,
Sorry to see that the situation is ongoing but no less sorry to see that he's continuing to dish out what you're continuing to take. On the basis that nothing changes if nothing changes, the advice is the same as others said to you previously: for you to change you, your responses. Are you eligible for any further counselling?
Wishing you strength.
CW
I second Cynical wife. You need proper support. Get in touch with Gamcare and start from there.
Keep in touch
tri
Hello Sadandlonely80,
Orchid and Phil72 suggested StepChange for debt advice, and CW and Triangle encouraged you to get in touch with GamCare for free counselling appointments. How have things been for you since you received these helpful ideas from your forum peers?
Please do use the support of your GP for problems like panic attacks and nose bleeds. It sounds like you've been having a difficult time so please do use support to help you through these challenging circumstances.
To get free answers to debt questions, you could try
StepChange 0800 138 1111 https://www.stepchange.org/
National Debtline 0808 808 4000 https://www.nationaldebtline.org/EW/Pages/default.aspx
Money Advice Service 0800 138 7777 https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en
If you feel that your partner is emotionally abusive, manipulative and controlling, you could get advice from the National Domestic Violence freephone 0808 2000 247 http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/
You're welcome to talk with us on our freephone 0808 8020 133 if you'd like emotional support or referrals to local free counselling services (Or free online counselling appointment services if you prefer your appointment by videolink to save you travelling).
Take care,
Forum admin.
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