Hypnosis for gamblers...

Hi.. I am a compulsive gambler. Sorry to hear about the difficult situation in which you find yourself. None of this is your fault. I repeat, none of this is your fault. Your ok and your not stupid.

It should never be your responsibility to "keep a track of his credit file", though I can appreciate how partners feel like they have to become detectives. Iv'e kept myself to myself over the years because i'd never want to inflict my gambling on a partner.

Can I ask what your husband has done to stop himself gambling? Am guessing that if you have read a bit on the forum you are familiar with Gamstop (it stops online gambling) and self-exclusions (eg from bookmakers/arcades/casino's)? You may yourself want to sign up to gamstop yourself because it will stop your husband using your details to open gambling accounts or get credit (peace of mind for you?). You need to protect yourself first and foremost, separation of finances and doing what is necessary to ensure that priority bills always get paid.

As for hypnosis.. I have no idea, but from a personal point and being fairly spiritual i'd love to give it a try. But in terms of the short term and stopping gambling I think its a bit of a cop out. Lots of humble pie and a firm comittment not to gamble anymore combined with practical barriers is the initial way forward. You will see it in your husbands behaviour and actions as to whether he is open to change or not. Don't pin all your hopes on hypnosis. 

Keep reaching out and getting talking support for yourself

All the best

Hi S.A thank you so much for your reply, the hypnosis was my suggestion, I thought why not try it eh? He has self excluded and we are in in first phase of talks for me to take full financial control. He has accepted he will be getting an allowance and this is a long term thing. He has cried and cried to me and my parents, promised me he won’t do it again but after reading the stuff on the forums it’s pretty hard to believe.

Thank you for the advice I will also exclude myself - not sure how to do that but I’ll have a look on the site....it’s all so overwhelming. I feel like I’ve got such burden on my shoulders to carry for the rest of my life. This is obviously not the way I wanted my life to go and I’m numb how it’s turned out. 

He said he wants to look forward and for us not to mention the money he has lost which is a bit strange for me because I feel like he is trying to bury his head in the sand and almost pretend that he’s not lost 30k! I’ve bought a book for him too - overcoming gambling by Philip Mawer and he seemed pleased with that. After the hypnotherapy we will plan out counselling and meetings.

How are you doing? You mentioned you are a compulsive gambler....how are things going for you mate?

Hi... and good to read your reply. You seem to be doing what you need to do to protect yourself and help your husband. You have strength of character thats for sure.

About self-exclusions... when you say I will also self-exclude.. are you talking about signing up on the  gamstop website? I don't know whether your your husband gambled in bookmakers or online.. but if online Gamstop is a must. Whilst online casino's can be excluded from individually, there is always another casino... gamstop will bar the individual from 99% of all gambling sites. If its bookmakers, the national exclusion service will ban your husband from all the ones in local area. You don't need to sign up to this... its gamstop that's the important one.

As for me, no I haven't been doing very well. I use to have long stretches away from the gambling but the last few years has been a struggle. Part of the reason am back posting a lot is because it seems to help my own recovery ie helping others... raises my self-esteem. Thanks for asking. Keep posting updates. Your husband clearly regrets his actions. Life can get better.

P.s Read the post that's titled "I took loans/cards out in my wife's name" in the overcoming problem gambling section. I don't think for a second (given what you have said) that your husband would do something like that BUT do bear this in mind when your thinking about your own peace of mind.

S.A, thank you so much for your help it means so much to me and my family. And yes it is online gambling that’s the problem, it’s so easy to login on the phone and gamble invisible funds away!

I’m so sorry you are not doing so well, have you got the support you need? From what I’ve read support from friends and family is quite important in recovery. 

You’ve had long stretches away from gambling, so what urges you to gamble again, if you don’t mind me asking? 

Again thanks for your help, it’s given me the hope I need.

Posted by: S.A

P.s Read the post that's titled "I took loans/cards out in my wife's name" in the overcoming problem gambling section. I don't think for a second (given what you have said) that your husband would do something like that BUT do bear this in mind when your thinking about your own peace of mind.

Yes will do ty, I have my credit files and his credit files online to check everyday, if there’s a search or change I will know about it.

Ah bless, likewise your helping me to... thanks. I will briefly tell you my story, but firstly Gamstop... I don't mean to bleat on about it but it is one of the most effective barriers to online gambling. It stopped my online gambling in its tracks.

I had a relatively normal life until my late twenties. I use to have girlfriends, holidays, evenings out, steady job... normal life. I lived in London. One day on my way home, instead of walking into a coffee shop to read the Evening Standard as was my habit at the time I walked into the arcade next door. That was the moment that my life went down hill. I was fixated and addicted by the machines immediately. Pure unadalterated escapism. When in action I switched off from everything. What was I escaping from... with retrospect it was probably a mix of work stress ( I was restraining autistic adults for a living) and recently splitting up from a girlfriend (I was lonely), also I was now living on m y own (nobody checking up on me).

Fast forward 3 years, homeless, living in a rehab, bankruptcy, rock bottom (several). Then i got my act together stopped gambling, started working for the rehab helping other addicts ( and those effected), things was better for a few years.. odd slip but never full relapse. Then one day (am no longer working for the rehab) but back restraining autistic teenagers this time, living alone, stressed, isolated...(recreated the past) I have a dabble with online gambling... it takes about 6 months to reach rock bottom again. Its even worse second time around, the shame the guilt lying to family... making out that everything is fine when it isn't. Gamstop stopped me gambling online but by then the damage was done and i started in the bookies.

However I have turned the corner again... lots of self-exclusion, getting more support... I will get better.

I hope you don't mind this big long ramble. Unfortunately addiction is for life. Like managing a business perhaps... if you take your eye off the ball things can fall apart

Hey, I appreciate your reply & no you ain’t rambling on - I’m like a sponge, taking it all in and learning at a rapid rate. What better advice than from someone who has been there and sadly still there but is again taking steps to bettering himself eh?

I like the self exclusion thing & will sort that out ASAP!!

I’m so sorry and saddened that you have been through this in your life and I hope you can continue to improve...what steps are you taking?

In recent times its been the bookmakers and the machines within. Each time iv'e messed up iv'e excluded or re-excluded and generally made it more difficult for me to gamble. At the last count I was excluded from 88 bookmakers.

Am also going over to weekly pay with my employer. I haven't been able to cope with monthly pay. Having 4 figures land in my account each month after having survived on fresh air for much of the previous month has been too much temptation. I think it will help.

Staying close to the site is also helping as I need to remind myself of other peoples pain. Its amazing how quickly we forget out own pain. Maybe that's just a part of being human.

Am also working less hours because I find that when i work all the hours under the sun. I get tired, I get stressed, my mental health starts to deteriorate and then before i know it I have a day off and bam am back at it. I know so many compulsive gamblers who throw themselves into work and work all the hours under the sun to try and pay back what they owe as quickly as they can and end up falling again. I fallen into this trap many times... it doesn't work.

Am back jogging. I love jogging. It helps in so many ways. I was at my best when I was running marathons. I will do it again. Exercise is the one thing that has really helped over the years. A natural high with natural feel good factor that lasts.

Thanks for listening.

So from what you have said, I’ve learnt that making time for yourself is very important. And that paying the debt back by working like a dog doesn’t help either - just adds more stress. Exercise is amazing for you & you want to do more of that for the natural high...yes do more of what’s good for you...be at your best mentally and physically. I’m so glad you are focussing on your physical fitness...how are you feeling about it at the moment? 

... and if am not jogging, am walking and thinking...

Am just curious, (and am assuming that you don't gamble yourself)... but what do you do that brings meaning and purpose and joy to your life??... now there is a question.

Gambling is like a reaction to life. Stop gambling and we have to replace it with something or at the very least alter the mindset.

my fitness is ok but room for improvement. I comfort eat sometimes, so i have a bit of a belly sometimes. Went jogging this morning, I feel better for it. I find I don't get physically ill (touch wood) and I think part of the reason is because I am active.

I think that if I eat well I will feel well and that too will help with urges to gamble. I guess we are all a work in progress 🙂

Have a strong inbuilt believe of what’s morally wrong and right. This has been ingrained into me by a strong family upbringing. I find joy from my kids, I’m on maternity leave, I had postnatal depression but I knew I could beat it and I did. I believe in the power of the mind and universe. I believe things can get better after hitting rock bottom & everyone makes mistakes & it’s the recovery that matters.

Purpose: kids & family - happy simple family life.

Joy: a glass of wine after kids are asleep, a laugh with my mates. And world of Warcraft when I get time.

My goal is to lose a stone of baby weight so I can look good in clothes again ?

How about you?

Posted by: S.A

my fitness is ok but room for improvement. I comfort eat sometimes, so i have a bit of a belly sometimes. Went jogging this morning, I feel better for it. I find I don't get physically ill (touch wood) and I think part of the reason is because I am active.

I think that if I eat well I will feel well and that too will help with urges to gamble. I guess we are all a work in progress 🙂

Well done for going jogging this morning! Isn’t great when you have such a great start to your day?