Had enough

Hello tasha06,

Welcome to the Forum..

I am sorry to hear that your partner’s gambling problem is having such a negative impact on you and your family. It is important that you remind yourself that it is not your fault he is behaving in the way he does. If he is in denial about his problem he would need to blame someone else so he doesn’t have to face reality. It is not personal, although it may feel like that, but it is part of the addiction that he is defending at the moment.

You don’t need to be alone in this as there is a lot of support. You can call the Helpline or connect on the Netline and chat with an advisor who can refer you to one-to-one counselling.

There are also group meetings by GamAnon. You can find your nearest here:

http://gamanon.org.uk

You can only do what is best for you and protect yourself from his gambling and I hope he soon realises that he can’t continue in this way and gets in touch with us for help.

Best wishes,

Ana

Hi tasha, i have been in your position. Walking on egg shells sumned up my life with him pretty much.

He ended up leaving though, and his anger has grown and manifested. I have gine from being angry at him for ruining our lovely family to being blindsided by the fact he walked away - he had no reason to walk away, i was the only one to hsve those reasons and he even took that from me!

Dealing with the fact that despite everything falling apart around them, and they still wont get help is hard. How long can you continue like that, what else does he have to do against you and the kids until you walk away?

When is your breaking point?

hey hi five, ive been there too, that was my life until i decided to end the marriage, just as you described it.

i have a success story, we are happy together now, but thats because he decided to stop gambling and salvage the relationship, we actually have something much much better now, with no eggshells at all, but i couldnt save him and i reached the point where i didnt want to.

just because he blames you for everything doesnt mean he is right, active compulsive gamblers are insane, dont listen to a word, none of it contains any truth, none of it has any point other than to bully you into opening your purse for him.

you are not alone, you can have a happy life again, youve already started by posting here

keep talking

Hello Tasha

From this gamblers point of view, I never stopped until I was ready. I had to have my own realisation and that's the hardest part for my loved ones but there was much they did. They got support for themselves from loved ones, friends and Gam-anon.

One part that helped me was they kept leaving out Gamcare and GA pamphlets and being honest with me. Although it took me a while to take up the help I eventually did.

Sadly compulsive gambling can be an addiction which only gets worse but that doesn't mean that if a person wants help things can't get better, they really can if someone wants to change but even then its not easy and involves commitment.

The good news is you found this forum. Keep sharing and I hope something I've written has helped.

Tri

Hi...

Let just say things are not so good at the moment. My life is a mess I feel completely sick, hurt and betrayed and It's just got a whole lot worse not only is he a gambler and loses thousands each night but he is also a cheat. I found out via Facebook he has another Women not just another woman but he may also have a child with this woman. I have confronted him and all he could really talk about was money. I feel embarrassed and ashamed and stupid. I feel my life and my world have just been turned upside down all because of his greediness. How do I move on from this? I just fell completely used.

you havent done anything wrong, its not you that should be having these feelings.

He will only talk about money because thats all active gamblers think about, dont listen to a word of it.

RIght now he doesnt matter, you have no control over anything but yourself, so lets start with some looking after yourself. Give gamcare a call, come to a gamanon meeting, stick the kettle on, do the everything and anything that makes you feel better for a few minutes.

keep talking

Hi tasha,

Your story is my story too, exept the fact that I am going away from him. I am going through divorce now. It hard. It bad, but one thing for sure; you don have any reason to be embarrassed and ashamed. He should be. But he doesent think, just like my husbent. He even dare to acuse me why I am leaving him after all I have been throw, just because of him. I dont know if my husbent too has been cheeting me, but who knows in future, he will do that to. What`s done is done now, but at least, dont let your self to suffer more. You own that to your self and children. Go away.

Marker you have been so lucky that he left you. For what I see he has done things more easy, but to explain him every time why I have to leave, and he doesent understand nothing. Like Pangolin said, they dont hear a world of what you say to them. He just ask me discus, but not for wht he has done. This is redicolous. I have to explain my husbent why I am going to divorce him, but I should not mention the GAMBELING. So what`s the way to explain I dont really know.

I helped my self.. I will leave. It will be hard, I know, but I will be a better person my self, just by going away.

Ps. Pangolin, if I may ask you since how many times ur husbent quite gambelig. Did he accept a proffesional help?

Hi

Mr P took and takes his help from GA, it works for him, but most of all he has helped himself, we talk together, he answers the questions I have after my Gam anon meetings, we talk, he wanted to change, GA provides a path that works.

How many times has he tried to give up? I dont know, I was never part of it before, so my answer should really be once, because this time is the only time he has wanted it enough, the only time he has faced up to what he has done, the previous attempts he was still being self absorbed and secretive, so that wasnt trying 100%.

A recovering CG is very different to an active CG, its still difficult, but different. If Mr P had not gone into recovery, I could not have stayed with him, but in his recovery there is space and time for my recovery too, and my recovery is what I focus on most these days. I havent forgiven or forgotten, by I do have my self esteem and respect back and I wont be letting them get destroyed by anyone again, somewhere in all the pain, Ive become much stronger, whatever we decide to do, we are all going to be stronger for going through this. The gamblers will or wont sort themselves out, but we will be ok if we all keep talking.