Has anyone got any words for my wife?

i have a success story, but it wouldnt have happened if my gambler hadnt sorted himself out and salvaged our marriage.

I couldnt have got my head round it all wothout going to gam anon meetings, having a bit of a cry with people who understood, rebuilding myself esteem with them, my self esteem wasnt gone through me blaming myself for his gambling, it was from being a fool, being taken in by his lies, for wasting "the best years if my life" on some one who didnt care about me. I was humiliated, my whole past was just lies I had been stuupid enough to believe. It takes alot to sort that mess out and just as the gamblers have to sort themselves out, so do us friends and family. When rockbottom happened, any word from him, even a glance from him, sickened me. The money didnt matter, he'd stolen my life.

So I would suggest you come clean, now, then she can have a think while she is at her dads, she will welcome the excuse to get away, holding it back isnt doing her any favours.

in all honesty she probably knows something is wrong, gamblers aren't good liars, no matter what they think, you just make things confusing, i thought mr P was having affiars, maybe he was hiding a terminal illness, maybe some sort of psychogical injury from his military deployments, i knew something was wrong, i knew he was lying to me, i knew he was hiding things, but i didnt know exactly what until he was honest with me. so save her the weekend of worry, just tell her and take the consequences with good grace.

tell her about gam care, tell her about gam anon meetings, tell her you are going to ga meetings (i do hope you are) and start making her life as nice as possible, sod the money, the emotional stuff is what matters.

Hi peetee

I am a recovering CG.

Your wife would do well to attend Gamanon meetings. They are held at the same venue, but in a different room to the GA meetings. Gamanon is a meeting of the families and friends of the gambler. She will be able to get a lot of support and guidance as to how to deal with the problems she will face. Counselling is another option for her should she choose. A lot of people have benefited by doing both the counselling and attending Gamanon meetings.

Most CG's lie, deceive, cheat, steal etc. That is our common traits. We hide this side of our lives very well, and in doing so we create problems and heartache that we never envisaged. Toward the end of my gambling days I really just didn't care.

Admitting to yourself that you have a problem is a good step in the right direction, arresting the addiction is going to be a big hurdle to overcome, as most CG's have found. As with your wife, both GA and counselling are the best options for you. If you treat the addiction with respect , apply yourself diligently AND really want to stop, you can do it.

Deceiving your wife is lying by omission. I think that lying and deceiving are 2 of the toughest things that a partner would have to come to terms with. The fact that you are going to come 'clean' would be in your favour. A couple of problems you will face are why you didn't tell your wife that you were gambling again, as you did 4 years ago. That time you got help and corrected the problem before any major damage was done financially, this time you couldn't stop.

I would prepare myself with what I am going to do to treat the addiction. ie GA and/or counselling. Either way, your wife will be angry and disappointed, as she has every right to be.

I have observed that most partners are very supportive of their gambling partner. The real problems occur when the gambler shows no remorse and little if any will to attempt recovery.

You will get very good advice from the partners and parents of gamblers here. Take it all on-board as they have a wealth of experience between them. They have done the 'hard yards' and know what problems will pop up.

Best wishes

Thanks for your advice. I have decided to go with it. I am not telling her tonight because I would have to tell her when she gets in from work and then leave her with an 18 month old almost immediately while I go out to work. But I will tell her tomorrow. We are both in the house after lunch and my boy should be napping. I can clear my diary for the afternoon so I am there to look after him if she needs some time to think and absorb all this. Having the weekend apart might be better as you say -she can have some space. Wish me luck please

Will be thinking of you both today

Thank you Pangolin.

Well. I still have a wife. She was angry, upset. I am very lucky to have her.

3 days gamble free now and first appt booked with Gamcare counsellor. Onwards and upwards.

Well thats as good as it gets. Now to start rebuilding, with some stronger foundations, counselling is a good start, onwards and upwards indeed.

Let her know that gam anon is there for her is she wants some friends who really understand what she's going through too, it's a support that I couldnt have managed without, she'd be very welcome.

Thanks