He says he will but he won't stop

Hi Ash

Welcome to the forum , gambling can make you act very irrartional especially when losing and i been where he is but to be skint within 24 hrs every payday is very intense gambling i not got to but he has to be remorseful when he skint and maybe hit rock bottom before he gets up and if money not mattering to him loosing u may be ,

read the friends and family sections so much advise there , we not bad ppl we i got family two little uns and my gf and u got to take it seriously and he does or u deserve much better

Hi Ash27

So sorry you're going through this. Thank you for taking the step to share your story. You might find you get more responses over on the 'Family and Friends' section of the forum, so I've moved your thread over there.

I am sure you will get support from other forum users, but in the meantime you'd be very welcome to call our helpline on 0808 8020 133, or chat to us on the Netline.

Best wishes

Forum Admin

Hey !

Thanks for replying,

It can be so difficult when you absolutely adore someone so much but have to sit back and watch this addiction control his life.

I've dealt with it all the wrong way before. Bailing him out paying his bills etc but financially and emotionally it's starting to destroy me.

Thank you

Hi ash

There's nothing you've said or done to cause this but the flip side to that is there's nothing you can say or do to make him stop. Bailing him out doesn't help as you've found. It just frees up more cash for him to throw away. First step is to protect your own finances and then decide how much if any of this behaviour you're prepared to tolerate along with thinking very hard about the life you deserve bearing in mind if he's not prepared to do all it takes to stop things can and will spiral.

I've had two houses with him and lost both to gambling, luckily they were both rented so didn't have any mortgage problems.

I have my own bank accounts and he has his a lesson I've learnt very quickly. I also pay his phone bill which he some how managed to gamble on so had a nasty surprise when I went to pay the phone bill which again now I've put a lot of blocks on so it's not so easy for him.

He has admitted he has a problem self excluded from all bookies apart from one and deleted all accounts online. But each time he finds away.

He tells me he wants help so I search the interest get number etc to help but he never follows through.

Thanks you for your advice much appreciated

All I can say from my own experiences is that you can make all the promises in the world but if you are not 100 per cent committed to stopping with support, advice, Gamblers Anonymous if you think that will help, a total change of mental attitude then I think it is half-hearted. I don't mean that in a bleak way but you can only give your partner so much support - you have to think about the impact it is having on you. He's not a child - harsh but please don't pay his phone bill again. I am only expressing my own opinion with no offence intended but an active compulsive gambler will always find a way. It has taken almost a year for my wife to 50 per cent trust me again and I get it because my obsession with horse racing was so intense. Love is good but self-preservation is better. All the best as a RECOVERING gambling addict, Phil.

So today was a good day, well steps in the right direction (further steps then before)

Me and my partner went round to every bookies in town and self excluded (which for him is a big deal) we also went through all his online accounts and shut them down.

Also someone advised going to citizens advice which we did and got given a number. My partner called them and have been put in contact with a counsellor. This is such a big deal !! Small steps but at least steps in the right direction !!

Ash

Glad to hear Ash he is taking steps in the right direction and hopefully wanting to beat this addiction/illness. Keep us updated of his progress !!

All the Best

Darren

Thanks Darren,

I can't but think it won't last which is a horrible feeling. As I really want to believe in him suppose it's tough when I've been promised before. Hope that's doesn't sound harsh.

Ash

Doesn't sound harsh at all

Might encourage you to read some of Cynical Wife's posts