Hi
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I found out my husband had a gambling addiction this time last year, discovering he had gambled thousands and thousands for many years before we even met.Â
After much covering up, lies and half-truths, he finally broke down and admitted he was a gambler. Financially we were in a really bad place. I gave him an ultimatum and said to him that if he continued to gamble, we would no longer be together. He promised to change, and for almost a year, I have had no evidence to suggest he has gambled again. Until this past weekend, when he took money out of our savings folder at home and went to the bookies to place a bet. I had no idea until I noticed the missing money, he broke down and said he had a slip up.Â
I already installed gamban on his devices as he was previously doing all his betting secretly online. But I didn’t get him to exclude himself from betting shops, obviously that was my first mistake. My second mistake was leaving cash in the house.Â
He said he wants to get help, he’s requested counselling and handed over all his bank details and cards to myself.Â
I am just so overwhelmed by all this, having to monitor and be on edge constantly worrying what he could do or how much money he could lose us again.Â
The threat of me leaving him clearly wasn’t enough for him to stop, even though he did for a while. I’m worried counselling might not work, and I don’t know how to protect everything 24 removed link Â
it’s so hard.Â
Hello Lunalove
I've been that person and you appear to understand that an addicted gambler will be deceitful, can lie and do whatever they can to fulfill the need to have another bet.Â
I'm realistic and also cynical - but are you 100% that he hasn't gambled in the last 12mths? In my experience, I'm doubtful he's been gamble free then suddenly took some money from your saving folder; presumably he has his share of 'spends' and I'd guess that most of that is in the bookies satchel. Have you seen his bank statements for the last 12mths? If you haven't you should ask him again if this was his only time and then ask him for the statements.....give him a chance to come completely clean.
That said, he's self-excluded now from both on-line and the bookies and perhaps he should get another chance. The problem with the bookies is there is always one you can go to whether its near home, near work or a drive away - I've done it! The reason I say perhaps give him another chance if he has been hones is (although no pity or sympathy is expected), its not easy being addicted and stopping gambling....it can be blinking difficult.
If he ever does it again I'd give him his marching orders as he will never stop.
One 'blip' can be forgiven but if it doesn't end you will live with this misery hanging over your relationship with a lack of trust, wondering where he is, what he is doing, is this the truth or lies, what is he doing with his money etc etc etc for the rest of your life. And its a miserable time believe me.
Your priority is to yourself and your family.
I sincerely wish you luck and hope he can quit for good.
Mick
The problem with this addiction is it appears its ugly head again and again.
I would love to say this would be end of it. I have struggled for years.
The only way would be to control all of the finances all of the time.
He could have done it while u didnt know throughout the year. Us as gamblers are very sneaky.
Block on everything online and land based. Once he knows he cant as he is blocked and u have all the money your prevention is place.
Its a life long illness and he has to accept he can never gamble again not even little bets. Its hard and councelling may help.
It sounds like he wants the help if he is willing to do all this
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