Hi all,
My partner who i’ve been with for almost 12 years started gambling (or when i found out) in 2019. It was very stressful during the covid lockdowns as he was still gambling and was on furlough. I work for the NHS so still had to work and came home each day to see he’d been gambling yet again. I’ve had to end up paying bills that he can’t afford etc as i couldn’t let them go unpaid as we have young children to think about. I kept telling him we can’t do this anymore. I’m fed up of never having money or enough to create memories with our children etc. I kept telling him to seek help and he wouldn’t (i know he has to seek help and I can’t force him). In 2022 he seemed to just suddenly stop (i was getting some attention from another man who is lovely and to be honest i did really like him and shouldn’t have, and I wonder if he finally realised i could be treated better by someone else and that helped him stop). Just after Christmas 2022 he started gambling yet again! We have a joint account that his wages are paid into just so i can keep an eye on things (my wages are paid into my separate account). He seems to still find a way online to do it. He kept having mood swings and snapping at me and i felt sick as i knew he was doing it again. He confessed by texting me in the night while i was asleep to say he’s done it again and promises not to ever do it again etc but he’s promised so many times before! He does free gambling sites as well but i said it all needs to stop so he doesn’t get the buzz at all, am i right in saying that to him?Â
It’s hard as i want to support him but have felt pushed away for the last 3/4 years like our children and I are last and the gambling comes first. When he wants to ‘get close’ I don’t want to as i feel stressed and it’s always at the back of my mind and then he gets annoyed saying he feels unloved but actually he has been very loved and supported by me but can’t seem to see that!! Some people say i should call it a day as it keeps going on, i’ve had some men ask to take me out etc who are really lovely and obviously i say no thank you but it does sometimes make me think but they don’t gamble etc and what have i done to deserve this, I can’t remember what it was like to not have to worry in our relationship about money and the deceit etc.Â
Sorry for the essay, i’m just venting/wondering if anyone else is in the same situation? : (
HiÂ
I am a recovering compulsive gambler. Free since 2018 I gambled for 19 years before even thinking about looking for help . He  hasn’t hit rock bottom yet  by the sounds of it . And no GA meeting or counselling will help until he realises that he has a problem and really wants to get help  for himself .he really needs to do this for  himself. It can’t be half hearted it won’t work .  There are gamanon meeting  for partners of gamblers that might give u a better idea of what he is going trough and u might get a better understanding of this insidious addiction. it’s not easy for partners like yourself all I could ever do is think about myself and where my next bet was coming from . It’s pure selfish but that’s the mind of  a  gambler . I  hope things get better for u  he has so much to lose . I didn’t realise till it was all gone . But there is help out there when he’s ready . and there are success story’s  so there’s always hopeÂ
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@milo23 thank you for your reply. I wish you all the best too. Do you think I’m correct in saying all the free gambling apps/sites need to stop as well?
@wbr9jcpn3y wow you sound like a lovely person to be on a ‘support forum’ i am actually not what you are describing me as, thank you very much. I suggest you do not reply to anybody’s posts on here if you have nothing nice or supportive to say. This is a support forum. A lot of us are reaching out for support on here.Â
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