Husband gets drunk and angry and then gambles all his money (he has no access to mine) but I pay all the bills and he blames me every time for making him angry and that why he gambles. I don't know what the triggers are for his anger and I do know it isn't my fault but I cannot see any silver lining or way out of this.....
Dear RKR,
We are sorry to read that you are struggling. We would like to encourage you to contact us so we can discuss your situation in detail and offer you support. Our HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 and our 1:1 Livechat are both open 24 hours every day.
It seems that you are experiencing difficulties with your husband. It may not be the case as we have very little information, but please be informed that anyone forced to change their behaviour because they are frightened of their partner or ex-partner’s reaction is experiencing abuse. You can learn more about it or have support by contacting this helpline: https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/en
This programme can be helpful too as it is designed to help and suit the needs of family & friends of people experiencing problems with drugs and or alcohol: https://smartrecovery.org.uk/smart_family__friends/
We hope you find this information helpful and hope to hear from you very soon,
Kind regards,
Juan.
Forum Admin.
My first thought is leave the idiot.
second thought is I know it must be much more complicated than a one sentence reply and the admin here has provided some solid advice and guidance.
all I can really do is share my experience and that is I met my current partner via GA physical meetings and she is not a addict but I certainly am who has been in recovery for nearly 9 years now with 2 years of not gambling so far. It’s a long and hard journey for the addict but if they are willing to work at it and get away from gambling it can be truly rewarding and you can get some of you’re life back instead of the money.
I have had many ups and downs but coming to terms that I have a gambling problem was half the battle and accepting you have a problem helps massively in recovery and healing moving forward. I hope you’re partner can come to terms with this aspect and truly try to improve his life. While on my journey to gamble free I have also stopped drinking alcohol about 3 times now. I currently haven’t had a drink in a number of months now and life is much better and has improved again in different areas away from gambling so things have improved and given me better perspective in my life and purpose looking after my daughter.
The other steps that also helped was giving up control of my finances to my dad for a long period while in recovery. That helped a lot and now I manage my finances and I am very careful with my money now. You’re partner might need to do that but the first step is important before pressuring or asking a loved one into that.
being honest and open about relapses stopped me from ruining myself financially about 10 times. Yes this can happen but support and working towards recovery can prevent this damage. I have read countless times of partners giving gambling addicts one last chance when the reality can be more complicated than that… so maybe being more understandable helps too in the future as long as they are working on there life long recovery away from gambling.
anyways I hope you get a chance to read this and understand it is by no means a easy journey for either of you. Remember there are plenty of resources on this site for both of you if you want the help and support.
take care
dave101
@dave101 thankyou so much for replying Dave101... I see your replies on other posts and can see what a journey you have been on and how far you have come. You are doing so well.. I dont know if congratulations is rhe correct response but I feel every victory should be celebrated. I am now resolute to separating but life is complicated and we have many shared responsibilities so I am also resolute to helping him as far as I can but I have emotionally checked out and he has agreed to bank and solicitor visits so i am not affected for any mistakes. It is difficult though when I see glimpses of my husband and not the addict. I have had a couple of responses on here including your own and it made me realise it wasn't just me being unreasonable.. I can't thank you enough xx
@q1ejzpb83v thanks for the support, it can be a struggle of what to write for partners and gambling addicts some times but like above all I can do is try to share my experience to help others.
I am glad you have come to a conclusion on what you want to do with the situation and I wish you both the best in you're future.
Feel free to message anytime and just @ me I am normally around on here
Take it easy
Dave101
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