I am looking for any advice.
My brother has recently told me that he has been gambling for the last 7 years. This came to light because I realised my mother had given him over 80k in the last two years. He is 40 years old & has never had a stable job. He has said he has started joining chat rooms & will go to meetings but how do we help him? My mum blames herself & have told her she cannot give him anymore money. I need advice on how to help him.
Stop giving him money altogether.
He needs to go to a meeting every week he will never be cured of it so he can't turned around one day and say he is ok now this is a life long addiction.
If he can he will probably need to trust a loved one with his finances to help him stop gambling.
It's a hard road with relapses in it but as long as he keep fighting to want to quit then he is on the right path
It can be sensitive but the sooner he opens up in meetings and to loved ones about his problem the better the support will be
I hope this helps
Dave101 a recovering compulsive gambler
I am looking for any advice.
My brother has recently told me that he has been gambling for the last 7 years. This came to light because I realised my mother had given him over 80k in the last two years. He is 40 years old & has never had a stable job. He has said he has started joining chat rooms & will go to meetings but how do we help him? My mum blames herself & have told her she cannot give him anymore money. I need advice on how to help him.
Hi Dom,
Well done for posting on the forum, and for letting us know your concern about your brother's gambling. It is good that you are also considering your mother, and how to improve this situation, as a family.
Our forum members will be able to give you their ideas, based on their own lived experience.
Here are a few additional resources you might like to browse too:
BeGambleAware website page for affected others:
https://www.begambleaware.org/looking-out-for-you
Money Guidance Service toolkit (Factsheet 8 – Protecting your loved ones):
https://d1ygf46rsya1tb.cloudfront.net/prod/uploads/2023/03/J055641-Gamcare-Factsheet-8-WEB.pdf
Money Guidance Service Toolkit (Factsheet 9 – For family and friends: Keeping your finances safe):
https://d1ygf46rsya1tb.cloudfront.net/prod/uploads/2023/03/J055641-Gamcare-Factsheet-9-WEB.pdf
GamCare Blog post ‘Should I lend money to someone with a gambling problem?’
Please consider calling us on our freephone 0808 8020 133 if you are based in Britain, you can also invite your family members to call us if they need to talk.
Take care,
Adam.
Hi
In time I handed over all my finaces and access to money over to my wife.
I did not like it but it was a healthy thing to do.
Each day she handed over to me cash, enough for food or a few drinks.
The other thing a person can do is go to meetings with the gambler they may have gamanon meetings,
If not find an open meeting so both of you can go to the meeting.
The money is the fuel for the addiction.
Once a person starts in recovery it is important to go to the meeting no matter when you last gambled.
It is very rare for people to give up gambling from the first meeting.
Find a meeting which is a healthy meeting.
The best meeting for me was a meeting with therapies.
Some times it takes a while for people wanting to talk and that is fine.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
@dave101 Thank you Dave , he has said he is going to start a meeting next week. I just hope he does because so much trust has been broke.
@gadaveuk Thank you Dave. Really great advice. I live overseas but he is telling his best friend today who lives close by so I may suggest they go together. I had a long conversation with my brother yesterday (he did all the talking) he feels very relieved & very emotional now that a few people know Is it best to let him come up with the suggestions? I don't want to put any pressure on him.
@2wsl45yp68 that’s great to hear. I hope this first step is the start of many positive ones to come.
take care
dave101
Hi
The addiction indicates that he has certain emotional triggers.
It is important to let him know that you are noto trying to control or manipuate his life.
That you are trying to support him in to finding a much healthier life away from self destruction.
My wife told me it was not about the money.
She told me it was the lies deceptions and betrayals of me not being honest.
Each day she would ask me if I had gambled or not, and she saked me if I had gambled or not, she wanted honesty from me.
Sadly walking in to the rooms of recovery the person I feared facing was my self.
Pains of the past caused fears in me that I did not understand.
Today I am healing my pains and reducing my fears.
Just for for today I do nto want or need to gamble.
In time I was able to exchange my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
THank you for your feed back.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
@gadaveuk thank you for sharing your journey. I really appreciate the insight & advice.
Well done for creating new healthy habits.
All the best.
Hi
If we commit going to the rooms of recovery.
We learn to help our self become much healthier people.
Clean time off of our addictions can not be lost.
Dave L
Hi
If we are able to be nurturing and encouraing towards people and we do it in a healthy way by supporting them it helps every one.
By saying when you are ready for recovery I will be there with you when you are ready.
Offering support can be seen as being controlling.
But if we offer it to them when they are ready to walk in to a recovery room with them it we can make the difference.
People feeling very emotionally vulnerable are often filled with large fears anxiety and panicking.
Often people think that asking for help indicates that they are weak.
Not so asking for help often indicates a change in their values.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
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