My partner of 5 years has just finished paying off ab IVA and gotten his credit back. Hes now taken out £11k worth of loans and ruined our chances of being able to move house to accommodate our kids ( he heas 2 i have 1). We have been living together in my house for 4 years. We dont have any joint finances, we are engaged but obviously i wont be wanting to tie myself to him financially now. Hes always said it wasnt that bad but then the past year he borrowed a lot of money from his mum and then blew a massive lump sum he got back from his iva. Hes now refusing to see me and talk to me in any real way. Last time i saw him he said i make him gamble so he needs to be at his mums. The truth is she enables the gambling and does / says nothing to help. She gives him money all the time. Ive only just come to realise how bad his problem is and hes refusing to get professional help.Â
I dont want a future where we cant go on holidays or if things need doing around the house i have to pay because hes in so much debt, but i also want to help him. Looking back evertime something has randomly gone wrong and hes caused arguments from nowhere i can see its been because of his gambling and his need to just go off and do just that away from me.Â
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Is it worth sticking around for? We have had some amazing times and i love him but it doesn't feel like he wants to fight for that or even himself.Â
Hello LFOF,
Thank you for contributing your post to the forum.
You mention that your partner is refusing to get professional help, and that you would like to support his recovery, and at the same time you are not sure what the future holds for your relationship, and in your view, he seems to be distancing himself from you, so that he is more free to gamble.
This sounds tough for you, and very disappointing? I wonder if you might like to talk with us on our freephone 0808 8020 133 or Live Chat / WhatsApp; we can listen to how you feel about what has happened, and offer you information about sources of support for you. You might be aware that we can also facilitate referrals for free and confidential appointment-based support.
https://www.gamcare.org.uk/news-and-blog/blog/way-forward/
https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/find-local-support/
Take care,
Adam.
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