I relapsed after 2 years clean

Hello mate and well done for coming here for help. Sorry to hear the situation you are in. I was in exactly this situation 6 months ago. No idea what was going to happen. Didn’t know how I would get out of the mess I was in. Suspected correctly that I would lose my wife and home. 

I came out fighting. Fighting for my relationship, fighting to beat this addiction and become a better person. I had to try and prove to my wife that I wanted to change and could change. I recommend you do the same.

Download all the blocking software you can (it’s free on GamCare), and block yourself from bookies.

Open up your finances to your partner, show them everything. Bank statements, credit report, the lot. It will be tough for both of you to see but it needs to be done.

Have a plan where you will have no access to money. It will be controlled entirely by you partner.

Find a GA meeting and phone the gamcare team for support. This is available to your partner too.

Start a diary. Focus on everything you hate about gambling and how low it has got you. This will be super useful in future to show you how far you’ve come and how far you don’t want to fall.

Come up with a plan to clear any debts. If this means contacting step change then get it done. 

Change your routine for good. When you would gamble, have a plan to do something else. Leave the phone with your partner at night. Remove any temptation to help with the urges.

Open up to a friend or family member. Honestly is key to beating this. 

Read everyone’s story in here. They will inspire you and give you tips.

You are going to have to show your partner you are committed to them and to beating this. Many couples come through this stronger. The ball is very much in your court to beat gambling, unfortunately it’s in your partner’s court for the relationship so come out fighting with the part you control.

Wishing you all the best. Stay strong 💪 

@p6z38njbqm Appreciate the reply mate. I have sent my wages straight into my partners bank now, she has seen all the bank statements on my bank last night. and im waiting for a call back from ARA later today, and also have booked a separate counselling session for this Friday.

i want to come out of this fighting, and showing her gambling is not priority but my family is. Ive put everything in place to stop me doing this again. Only time will tell 

Hi Chartom,

good for you for taking the first steps - it is incredibly hard to fight this habit at first. I recently went through all this with my wife - had admitted to her this past June that I had gambled into debt, then I took 6 weeks from the habit before feeding it again in August and went down further into debt, only to have it all come crashing down 11 days ago…you are making a good decision and first steps.

Keep at it, be completely honest with your wife, but more importantly by honest with yourself. This is a journey, not a race, and every day you’ll need to fight. Talk to close friends/family, go to counselling, and be active in this forum. All of these have helped my so much in the past week.

you are not alone, and the feedback you’ll receive on this forum should help you realize that. Read other peoples diaries, make your own and post as often as yiu can.

baby steps mate, but always forward and not back.

stay strong!

Hi Chartom,

I was not planning to do replies to people, but I seemed to recognize your name from here from about 6 years ago. I ran a challenge in 2019 and some people checked in weekly.

My apologies if that wasn't you.

I can only tell you a little about my story, but my addiction is past 40 years.

I have had periods when I have stopped for decent amounts of time. Can't remember exactly 15 - 18 months.

Stopping is easy. Not gambling for life is the hard bit.

You don’t say what kinds of gambling you do but practical steps could be.

1) self exclude online using GAMSTOP- 5 years not 6 months or 12 months. You want to stop not pause.

2) self exclude at ALL bookmakers in you area.

3) Attend gamblers anonymous meetings at least once a week (ideally more).

4) Be searingly honest with both yourself and your partner.

5) Hand over control of your finances to someone you trust 100%

Maybe your partner, maybe a parent.

I was in a similar position to you 30 odd years ago - I bitterly regret not stopping then. You relationship with your partner may heal, it may not,  it will certainly take time. You recognise your problem, your seem determined to stop 

The most important thing is that you stop - attending GA meetings will help hugely.

You will hear some horrendous stories of how low gambling can drag people but don’t worry it’s not a competition. 

Think of why you lapsed. Giving up requires work, and it requires on going work perhaps forever.

I'm 9 days back into it, so clearly not one for heeding my own advice.

I do know that 3 out of 5 people who I regularly communicated on heer are all 5 or 6 years clean from gambling.

Thats a hell of a success rate.

They all worked at it, found something else to fill their lives with and were open and honest.

It can be done.

Hi

I like most people did not give up gambling on day one netering in to recovery.

Then my wife explained to me it was not about the money why she was in so much pain.

It was my lies that hurt her.

So she asked me every day if I had gambled that day.

My honesty is what she wanted from me, not my betrayal.

Honesty is the best policy.

Honesty indicates I am not living in fear.

Honesty indicates I am not living in pains.

Dave L

Thank you for your strength and being honest well done.

I have lost count the number of times I went back to Gambling over a twenty year period.

If I can do it so can you.

Clean time can not be lost.

Dave L