Hi everyone
Today I saw my son, it was a bit of a random situation how it happened but it was mine and my husbands descision when he asked if he could see us.
You all know how things ended the last time we saw each other and even though I know we had no other choice but to part company it has been extremely hard. Theres been many times when I came close to going looking for him and wanted nothing more than to bring him home but I never did. A few weeks ago he called but that conversation didn't go well and he hung up when he didnt get what he wanted, and I thought that would be the last we heard from him for a very long time if not for ever.
We only saw him for a few minutes but we all agreed that we'd keep it low key, no uncomfortable conversations and just enjoy our time together . I dont think for a moment hes stopped gambling and to be honest its not something I want to talk about with him, it only ever ends badly when we do. We told him again how much we love him and will give him as much moral support as he needs but it will all be on our terms and he wont be living with us again. He said he is happy to do what we ask and knows that we will take a step back again if need be.
Hes made a home for himself which he shares with a friend so I know hes quite safe and doing better than I expected.
Ive no idea where we go from here, but its best done in baby steps and Im going to have to stop myself rushing into mum mode by helping again. Hes asked if sometime next week we'd like to call in and see his home, of course we said yes.
I was beggining to think this day would never come I thought he was gone for good, and of course it could all go wrong but its a start in the right direction.
For a very long time he hasnt even liked me being close to him, he'd back off if I got too close but today we hugged and if felt fantastic. I know I have to be cautious and I hope it wasn't manipulation in some way but for now I dont care my son hugged me.
Its so nice to share some good news for once, I cant begin to tell you all how good it feels to see him again
XXX
Lovely to read..and I hope things start to improve ....like you said ...little steps...
Bet the hug was great...x
Phoenix
As a parent having been in your position I have felt for you. It must have been a hard decision for you to let him go and find his own way out of all of this but tough love is very often necessary. But of course we parents are the ones they are going to take their anger out on and while living with us or their partners and they just cannot see what damage they are doing to their lives or yours. Maybe the space between you has given him time to think more clearly and now he has his own little home to run himself he will appreciate how you fed him and looked after him. He is also probably missing you now. You are right to take baby steps and not pressurize him about the gambling - aggro is non-productive - they just need a support network around and from personal experience when you get that hug after all the pain and anxiety it is the best feeling in the world - almost like you can see a light at the end of the tunnel after all!
Good luck.
Hi
Loxxie, it was the best hug Ive ever had 🙂
gamparent, he looked like a scared little boy and he was as relieved to see us as we were him.
There wont be any talk of gambling (unless he wants to) no more arguments or fighting and definetly no pressure from us. Hes said and done some awful things and I dont know if we can either forgive or forget some of it but holding on to that isnt helping any of us and ultimately we love him so we need to put that to one side.
Hes asked us to go and see his house next week and we've left when up to him and other than that we'll leave him alone. Its tempting to think we've got him back and want to see him sooner but if he gets a whiff of pressure from us he'll be off again. So for now we'll carry on as usual and see how we go.
What an awesome post!! I'm so glad you could enjoy the present without worrying about the past or the future... you are what recovery looks like:)
Cathyxx
Phoenix,
Im so pleased to hear you have had contact with your son. Baby steps are necessary in these early stages and I think it's important to not put any pressure or expectations on either yourselves or him. Enjoy the time he does initiate with you and I hope this is the start of a brighter future for you all!
Good luck and much love,
Sad x
Hi
Thank you Sad, its exactly how we are doing things, it has to be baby steps it cant be hurried.
X
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