Hi
I am new here. My other half has asked for my help. He has recognised that he has a gambling problem and has reached out to me to help him. He doesn't know where to start and I think if anything he's afraid that he may take this step and continue gambling and see himself as a failure as he often does when he cant beat the need. I want to be there for him in anyway possible to both help him eventually have a hold over it (rather than it have a hold on him) and to help if he does slip so he doesnt see himself in a negative way. I don't want it to make him feel this way and I want to help and support him in anyway possible. I really need help to help him. I want to see him happy! Any advice, suggestions, ways to help would be much appreciated.
I know, as any addiction, this can be a tough thing to go through and handle and I know I probably cant begin to imagine how it must feel and what is going on in his mind. So anything really that could help me be able to sympothise with this too would be greatly appreciated, so I can better understand what support he needs from me emotionally. His Gambling vices are machines and scratch cards mainly. Though he also visits online casinos but to my knowledge not as often, however this i cannot be certain of.
I really need your help.
Many Thanks
Hi squiggles,
i hope your ok? i can understand this is a very difficult time for you?
the best advice i can give is to go along to a GA meeting... there is an opporuntity for a support forum for you too and they support and teach you of preventative measures you can put in place to restrict the possibility of gambling happening again and again.
This really helped me although i dont think i listened enough... i always have been hoping one day my partners addiction would be fixed and would be gone but that isnt the case so please try to think about this as a change in lifestyle and not somethign that will disappear.
try to remember that your partner needs to be in a position to stop and take control and i think you need to allow him to take these steps whilst being there to support.
i wish you both all the best x
Hi, Sqiggles,
I echo what Dean and HL say. I would just add one fairly major point - do not take upon yourself responsibility for his happiness. Or for what he does or doesn't do. You can't control him, don't try. And CGs project blame for their situation on to their nearest and dearest, don't start thinking that he's happy because of what you've said or done. Or that he's not happy because of what you've said or done. Or that he has to go off and gamble because of what you've said or done.
If he wants to stop gambling, all good, there's a lot he can do ie blocks, handing over financial control, going to meetings and counselling. I stayed because my CG husband has done all of these things. But he chooses to do them, it's not because I force him. Encourage, yes, tough love, yes - he would have to leave our home if he gambles again. But I don't and can't "make" him do anything. He chooses recovery over gambling, he is responsible for his recovery, for what he does or doesn't do. My responsibility is for dealing with my responses to what he's done.
You can choose to stay and support him...but only if that's what you want to do. Don't think that you have to save him from himself, if you weren't there and he really wanted recovery, he'd manage. There are no prizes for sacrificing yourself. I would advise you to read the forum and get as much support and information for yourself as possible, so you know what you're proposing to take on.
Hope this helps,
CW
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