Hi.
I discovered my husband had a long time gambling habit 3 years ago in lockdown. He admitted to a 20 year habit and over the course of the 5 years if our relationship lost approx £54k (this was all through his business).
We worked through it and he sought help from  gamblers anonymous but he has not been to a group for well over a year now and I suspect he is gambling again. Since the beginning of the year he has become very distant, picking fights with me and withdrawing from family life. It is almost as if he cannot bear to be around me. I have confronted him and he denies it but this morning I looked on his iPad and in deleted photos there was a screenshot of an online slot page. I would  like advice about what I am seeing as I do not really understand these gambling sites. Is he gambling again?Â
Hi Jes,
It sounds like he is gambling again. If he isn’t you need reassurance and he should be happy to provide you this. He should let you access his bank account, credit report etc. You need to verify and not just take his word for it. If he refuses, that is your answer. As partners, we cannot force someone into recovery if they don’t want to. It will never work. They need to lead their own recovery which requires determination, discipline and very hard work. We can only support them. I wish you all the best. Remember to protect yourself at all times. Never let him use your name in gambling sites nor lend him any money nor give him any access to your finances. My husband is 3+ years gamble free and I still manage all our finances.Â
P
In brief, yes he is. No point arguing the toss about it now as he's probably lost a packet and thats why he's withdrawn - its embarrassment and guilt and a whole load of other things thrown in.
He will deny it of course and start an argument and blame you - don't get upset as this is normal behaviour from a gambling addict (I know!). Ask for the bank statements and DO NOT be fobbed off as thats where the truth lies. Ask to see the emails confirming that he has self-excluded all forms of on-line gambling and again, DO NOT be fobbed off.
I doubt that you will get to see either until he really wants to quit. He's probably feeling absolutely awful but no sympathy is appropriate - he's got to prove by actions that he's ready to quit and thats by a complete on-line ban, by contacting Gamcare and getting a bank account ban on gambling sites and a block on phone and computers.
You have some hard and stressful times ahead and I wish you luck.
MickÂ
PS Seriously, do not be fobbed off or made to feel guilty or that you are expecting too much or treating him with no respect. Be strong!
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
