Hello, I have been with my partner for 2.5 years. He has been free of gambling for 3 years now and goes to GA meetings every week. He previously to me had a partner and two young children but the family broke due to his gambling and he's partner never knew he had a problem. Anyway when we met he told me his story. After a year we moved into together and he always said he's sees a future with us. A big discussion came up and I told him one day I would like to settle and we both agreed this is something we could work towards. Anyway the subject has come up again and I wanted him to move to my side of the city so we could start something fresh together and that I seem to be the one that commits to everything. I play step mom, see his parents, have made a lovely nest for us to make it to the next step, perhaps start saving, talking about some sort of future. So when I presented him with this it caused a huge argument, his tune changed and he said he is petrified that another broken family could happen and that he loves me deeply but thinks he doesn't deserve me or happiness. We both agreed to take a break and reflect on everything. Only I am so scared he is going to just let me go because of his gambling and not work on his fears of settling again. I'm 36 and don't have all the time in the world either and I hate to put pressure on but I'm snookered. This is a man who I adore and we love each other so much. Is there any advice you can give me to suggest to him to make this work? How I can protect myself in case we have a future and he gambled again main? Any advice would be great
Hi
If he's free of gambling it would seem more like a commitment issue. If he's lying about being free from gambling it may be that he's prioritising it above you as is common with CG's who don't want to stop.
If he wants to make it work he will need to be comply with anything you need to feel secure on an ongoing basis but he's the only one who can decide if that's what he wants.
Hi,
Or it may be as the man says and he, through his own actions completely destroyed a relationship and nothing scares him more than it happening again. Maybe he needs some time to think about what is important to him. I have been blundering through life for years now and gambling all the time. That was fine because i was only hurting myself. It's only now that i have met someone i really want to make a go of it with that i am looking in at myself and taking steps to make sure it never affects her or us.
The best advice i would give would be for you to arrange somewhere to talk that you both feel comfortable in and really ask some questions. Hopefully if he is in the right frame of mind you will get the answers you need.
All the best
Kev
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
