Hi Phoenix67 thank you for your words of wisdom - I know what you say is true. I need to get off his case, stop trying to fix him and give him some space to hopefully make the right decisions. We're both a work in progress! I'm going to look into some counselling for me. "Detach with love" - That's such a great idea. X
Be patient with yourself. There is no rule book to follow on this. I really believe as I said before that this is a journey for both of you and you will get to where you need to be in good time. Try not to feel responsible for your husband's views/opinions on this as those are his. My husband and myself dealt/deal with this completely different. At first we fought a lot about the handling of this but eventually I went to Gam anon (which he would never go to) and started looking after myself and not requiring the entire family deal with this as I decided was the "right" way. My son's addiction is no longer front and center in our family and we are no longer swallowed up by what's going on with him.
Every moment you focus on something you can do for yourself is a moment taken away from this addiction.
Take Care... enjoy the weekend!
Cathyx
Hi Katy
Sorry to see what you're going through.
I have found it very hard, in fact impossible to get the why of it from my husband. Very often a CG him/herself doesn't understand it and I have come to accept I'm never likely to get an explanation.
I see from your opening post your son doesn't want you telling his dad. Keeping a CG's secrets often doesn't end well and that has been my own experience first time round. My advice would be to get support for yourself from wherever and whoever seems most appropriate and if that includes his dad well, that's just a consequence of his behaviour. Apart from that an active CG can be very manipulative. They don't have a conscience and if there's a source of funds they think they can tap they are there with bells on. Your son has lost the right to call the shots. You can't control how he behaves but you can decide and control how you react.
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