So long story short I found out last night that my partner has a massive gambling addiction. I only found out by chance as he had used money I had given him for our sons nursery fees to gamble on the slots with and lost it all. When I looked deeper into his bank account I found out it was hundreds of pounds a day he has been spending chasing his money.
We had a massive heart to heart and chat about it and ive told him he needs help which he has agreed to and he has Contacted ga and is getting a call back today. Rightly or wrongly I've told him he needs to choose his gambling or his family as he can't have both. He says he chooses us but I said I need to see actions not words.
Also I've taken his credit cards and his bank cards off him. I would have put his money into my savings a account but he has none in there anyway. I said that when he gets paid I want to see his payslip and all the money is to go into my account and he can have cash in his hand and receipts of proof of what he has spent it on.
Hes deleted all apps off his fone and frozen all sites he uses. And promises he will get help and better and that he doesn't want to be the person he has become.
I'm an emotional wreck knowing how he has lied and hidden all this for so long. I want to stand by him and help him and I will. I'm just so confused I don't what to do or how to help and I don't know if taking his access to money away is a good thing or not.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated
Hey. Top bombing for sticking by your other half. Takes some guts to do that. Luckily for me, I’ve got a belter at home who’s stuck with me through previous relapses. You’ve taken the right steps so far. But us gambles are sneakers so and so’s. I hid things time and again from my Mrs even when she knew I had an issue. Lying is what we’re good at. You can’t let a day go by without checking the finances. And he may ask you to stop nagging when you ask where he is or has been all the time. But again. That’s when I used to lie. Try to do it without being overbearing. Difficult I know.
Good luck and it sounds like he’s got a strong base to start from. Mebs he could come on here and chat. I’m only 6 days into this recovery but been very active on here and it’s hwlping me.
Thanku for your reply. At least I know I'm doing summat rite lol. I will let him know about this site as he needs all the help he can get at the moment.
I found a website called gamstop earlier so asked him to sign upto it and he said he would so will be checking on that later. And he knows I'm going to be checking his fone and bank everyday that was agreed last night. I just feel terrible like Im controlling him by doing this as I'm not that sort of person.
I can't stop crying and just feel so lost as I feel like we will never be how we were before as all ky trust has gone in him
Danni you too can get help. He can go to GA meetings, get counselling from gamcare. You can find a gamanon meeting and also get counselling from gamcare. You are probably in shock. This is often seen as the gamblers problem alone but there is something about us not seeing, allowing bad behaviour. We don't realise because they do everything possible to keep it secret. He should show you the email from gamstop, he should sign up for 5 years. If he was found out he may not be ready to stop. Ultimatums (me or gambling) don't work. Encouraging help, meetings, financial barriers are the way forward. It's very difficult to turn off addiction, a relapse may happen, it doesn't mean they don't love you. Safeguard yourself and get support for you.
This site is belting. Has helped me loads in the last few days. I just write all my thoughts and feelings on here and in some ways it’s very anonymous but in others it’s like people are talking straight to your mind. It might help him to see others are going through the exact same thoughts and feelings as he is. Plus people don’t judge on here. I’ve read through loads of stories.
Gamstop is good. As is gamban. Not sure which I’m signed up to. Mebs both. Also banned from a load of bookies.
Don’t feel lost and certainly don’t worry about crying. I’ve done it to my Mrs loads and god only knows why she has stuck by me. She blames herself which is completely ridiculous as it’s me who responsible. So keep going as you are. Realise you’re not alone. Think there are even groups of GA for friends and family members to attend.
brilliant for putting measures in place to limit your husbands access to money, i would say it sounds as if your other half as been gambling for some time and with couple of hundred pounds a day quite heavily too, so a pattern of bad behavour as been created and will be hard to stop instantly, as Msinnerr1985 as said us gamblers are cunning and we will readily lie very convincingly to access money to gamble with, maybe setup a direct debit from your husbands account so on hes payday the money goes straight into your account, the only way i feel it will work best is if you have total control of the finances, because as sad as it is gamblers cannot and should not be trusted with money all the best
Reading this is like reading my own life. I feel exactly like you do. But my partner just won’t tell me everything. He is still hiding things from me and that has made it very difficult for me to help him and not be angry. I was willing to help him but he just can’t seem to face reality. We have 2 babies and we were due to get married in 6 months. I am going to have to cancel the wedding as all trust is gone and he’s not the person I thought he was. When caught out he has just lied continually. I am in shock. I don’t know what to do with myself. I love him but I don’t know who he is anymore. I’ve been nothing but honest with him from the beginning.Â
Please get him to self exclude using gamstop.
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Even if you took all his cards, someone in the throes of a gambling urge will find other ways to gamble. Good luck.
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