hi,
My boyf and i have been living together for two years with my children. In the last year he has been distant. Never had any money, constantly borrowing back the housekeeping he gave me. Staying in bed all day and making excuses not to spend time with me and my kids. I asked him many times if he was gambling, cheating, fallen out of love and to be honest I was at my wits end.
This morning he admitted he was gambling. He has got himself into a state with pay day loans and this morning at around 4am he attempted to "win it all back" using his entire salary as the stake money! He was crying and begging me to help. He has asked me to take a loan to bail him out. I had to go to work so as yet I do not know the extent of the damage or how long its been going on!
I ave so many questions and I don't know what to do!
I wonder if the unhappyness caused him to gamble or whether the gambling caused the unhappyness?
I don't know whether I should call his dad for help?
I dont know if I should stick by him and hope that the happy boyf from the beginning is still in there or was the fact that we made him unhappy the reason he gambled? I don't know what is the best for my kids who have picked up on so much of his moods already?
I feel used and broken and lonely! I can't tell my friends as they dont like him much!!
He seems to be back tracking now.. all the promises of counselling and sudden;y he doesnt need one as he is not going to do it again!! Pah!! Guess he isn't as ready as i thought.
My immediate concern is money! People are ringing constantly on my home phone for him! He as asked me about taking a loan or increasing overdraft/credit card limit...I have refused stating I have debts of my own following my divorce a few years back and setting back up in a house on my own! He lives with me and my kids...how likely is it that baliffs may turn up?? Am i gonna be somehow liable for this debt if he has used my address??
Hi Cath
I am a recovering CG.
Never, ever bail out a gambler. He will inevitably gamble that money away. Do not trust him.
The only debts you are liable for sre any that are in your name. Safeguard all your accounts and any money that you have hidden for a rainy day. If he knows your account passwords, change them. We can, and will steal, lie, deceive, and pawn items of any value to finance our gambling. Be very wary.
A CG can stop gambling if he wants to. It will be hard, but it can be done. Your partner is still in denial however, and so his misery will continue.
Help is available if he wants it. GA and counselling are both very good options
I would advise you to confide in someone close to you. You will need support. Even if he gets help for his problem, this can be a hard road to travel.
Take care
the fact he is now in denial of how bad it is and refusing help, indicates he is panicking about the money and not his addiction. he is not ready to stop. do not under any circumstances give him financial help. he already has a roof over his head and unless he changes fast he could lose that too. when he is ready to be honest, when he can show you his credit report to see the damage he has done and when he is willing to get help then i would consider a loan to consolodate things. my problem for a long time was owing people rather than creditors. i knew i had a gambling problem. i wanted to stop and despised it, but i was in debt with fam,ily and friends and thought there was no other way of paying them back...so i kept gambling and tried to make it right. onlyh on the grounds that he yhou take full control of his finances would i consider a guarantor loan or even one in your name. if u cleared it now, he would merely run it up again and you would be left to pick up the pieces. i would tell him thjat unless he admits his problem and gewts help then he has to leave. you have kids to consider and i know as a gambler who has lied cheated and stole for many years that this will not get better x
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
