Locked in the toilet crying again

Hi, S&L,

I've just read, with considerable alarm, your post to Jade.

The things that he throws at you will indeed connect sooner or later if you choose to stay in the firing line. Maybe they'll connect with you, maybe with your daughter. Prayer is fair enough, but make it effective - pray for the help and support to change your situation. There's not a lot of point in praying for nature not to take it's course.

You absolutely have choices, tolerating his behaviour is indeed a choice. It's all too easy to convince yourself that your choices are fettered, that he has or is taking them away. That allows you to avoid responsibility for doing nothing. But what exactly is the difference between the gamblers blaming the non gamblers in order to shift responsibility, and you blaming him for your choice to put up with his abuse?

Your children don't have choices, they're stuck with the consequences of yours and his. They don't see you yelling at him and losing control. They do see that it's ok to have things thrown at you, to be abused. They will be affected by the parenting that they see, they'll grow up to follow the example of either dishing it out or of taking it.

You could break the cycle. The help's there if you take it. It's been done by others, you can do it too. Not easy but doable.

Wish you well,

CW

CW,

Wise words, many thanks.

Women's aid and other agencies are aware so no need for alarm.

It is all in hand.

I have the right and relevant support.

Luckily, the children have not been witness to the latest escalation in behaviour, just the shouting and ranting like before. I know that is bad enough. It is completely unacceptable.

I am working on it rest assured.

S&L

If you're in the firing line, that is alarming, why play it down? It's serious and what happens to you matters. Again, what's the difference between you saying that it's not that bad and an active gambler saying that their gambling's not that bad?

My experience is that small people see and hear and absorb more than you realise.

Look after yourself.

CW

Hi Sadandlonely80. I must echo CW's comments in that by staying in the firing line will only cause more harm to the kids and yourself. I grew up in a household where verbal and emotional abuse was the norm. Believe me it had a big impact on my siblings and I. Now and again I ask my parents why didn't they separate for good years earlier and the answer is usually they stayed together for us (children). Do not underestimate what this is doing to the kids.