Hi there
My brother is a compulsive gambler. He lives with my elderly mother. He has been a cg since 2012 but I have only known about it for the last 3 years or so.
At the moment he is in a psychiatric ward as he tried to kill himself. They are treating him for his depression and suicidal thoughts but not helping with the reason why he tried to kill himself - the shame from stealing money from his mother to feed his gambling addiction.
He has self-referred himself to the NHS London clinic and is waiting to hear back from Moody Charity whilst he has been in the hospital. But he has still managed to gamble whilst being a patient, which isn't helping his mood.
I am trying to support him and my mother through all of this. I have had to bail out my mum twice now and we can't keep doing it otherwise it will impact on my family's finances. My brother manages to get hold of my mum's bank card and pin number (she's 82 and has sight and hearing problems) on some occasions. So far I have blocked my mum's card from being used online and through the telephone and we are going to get a biometric safe fitted so that she can keep her whole handbag in it (no pins to remember!). We are going to the bank to see if they can suggest anything else that we can do. My mum won't prosecute him and she wants him back to live with her. He does help her with things that she is unable to do and obviously is there if she isn't well (she suffers from severe COPD due to a heavy smoking addiction!).
At the moment I am researching ways to help my brother not to gamble. So far I have found out how he can self exclude from betting shops and casinos online and physically going to them. The phone is proving harder to sort out. (He has already self-excluded himself from the two local casinos, but there are several others that he has been visiting as well!) I have also found a Credit Union bank that does not support online banking. I am aware that he needs to do these things himself but he is not very good at filling in forms so we will do it together.
My brother has several disabilities that make it difficult for him to work so he is at home all day with my mum and has nothing really much to do. He does have a dog but getting him motivated to take her for a walk several times a day is hard. At the moment he cannot drive as he has no money to pay for insurance, which is a blessing really as there are no betting shops in the village and he has a problem using public transport.
Has anyone anything else to suggest?
At the moment I am coping with it all as I have some very supportive friends and work colleagues.
Thanks for reading my very long post.
Hi Sister Karen
I was in a similar position to your brother and tried to take my own life 2 and a half years ago.
Sadly I have relapsed a few times and started betting again when in hospital.
I've been two weeks bet free now and have self excluded from shops and have someone else controlling my finances.
Have you looked at gamblock phone software or others? Some charge but I have believe it is worth it if it stops the gambling.
It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. Have a search for what support is on offer for yourself and not just your brother.
Good luck
Hi and thanks for commenting.
I've looked at gamblock and some of the others. It looks like we will have to get one of those but it will probably be me that pays for it initially as he has no money at all at the moment.
Does he use a smartphone? If so, this can be replaced with a basic model.
Hi Karen, that's a lot of stuff to deal with. If you can maybe try and get an appointment with his dr and voice your concerns. It maybe that he's using gambling to cope with his depression. Unfortunately it is out of our control if someone gambles. So blockers are the way forward. There are many for different devices, k9, gam ban, google it. As Nikki says change phone to brick. Contact internet provider, parental control etc. Also stop paying his debts, it's tough but the only way. Sounds like you are putting good plans in place. Call gamcare and get some support, more information. Debt camel is used by some. I don't know if you're near a gamanon meeting but that is another place to get help and support. Hopefully some of the cgs on here will give you their help too. Good luck, I hope your brother is ok.
Would your mother consider giving you a power of attorney over her financial affairs? You would then be able to ringfence her accounts so he couldn't get at them.
Nikki56 wrote: Does he use a smartphone? If so, this can be replaced with a basic model.
Yes he has a smartphone and gambles on it. I'm not sure I can persuade him to give it up but I will try or I will suggest he puts a block on the gambling websites on it.
Merry go round wrote: Hi Karen, that's a lot of stuff to deal with. If you can maybe try and get an appointment with his dr and voice your concerns. It maybe that he's using gambling to cope with his depression. Unfortunately it is out of our control if someone gambles. So blockers are the way forward. There are many for different devices, k9, gam ban, google it. As Nikki says change phone to brick. Contact internet provider, parental control etc. Also stop paying his debts, it's tough but the only way. Sounds like you are putting good plans in place. Call gamcare and get some support, more information. Debt camel is used by some. I don't know if you're near a gamanon meeting but that is another place to get help and support. Hopefully some of the cgs on here will give you their help too. Good luck, I hope your brother is ok.
Currently he's on a psychiatric ward and I am going to his Drs appts and to his psychologists appt this week. I have looked at some blockers and will be talking to him about those. I have already put some parental controls on the Internet and changed the password but he knows my mum's email address and that is not password controlled. I am not paying his debts only bailing my mum out when he's left her with no money to buy any food or pay her bills (I've done that twice). I will probably talk to someone on here but I'm not sure I want to go to a meeting.
Lethe wrote: Would your mother consider giving you a power of attorney over her financial affairs? You would then be able to ringfence her accounts so he couldn't get at them.
Mum won't give me power of attorney but she will let me be a signatory on her account - we have an appt at the bank to sort that out next week.
Thank you everyone!
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
