Madness utter madness

It's simple he's buying time.
Gambalers become adapt to covering tracks. Most of them with excuses. From what I can gather from your post just ask him to show you the cash it shouldn't be a problem if he has it?

Hi,

I can't recall if I've said it directly to you but you ignore your instinct at your peril. I surpressed mine and it was a huge mistake. You smell a rat and the starting point is to assume that there's one there. You can't trust what he says because he's a CG so you need to see proof. Either the cash or a bank statement showing the deposit. Bluster, blame, manipulation about your paranoia sound ominous. Even if the unlikely event that the money is safe, he's in denial about his addict behaviour.

It won't help to interrogate him about whether or not he has gambled this money, it invites the lie and it won't reassure you. Instead, make it clear that you don't believe him. State the facts as you see them: there's no evidence of the money being where it should be and he has a gambling problem therefore you presume that he's gambled it. It's quite important to make an active gambler aware that you have not been deceived. Also, say things along the lines of that he can't justify his gambling through you and that he is responsible for his decision to gamble the money instead of banking it. State the truth as you see it, so that you are less enmeshed in his web of lies and to give him a reality check.

Would still recommend GamAnon meetings and also would point out the old chestnut: if he remains active, how much of this sort of behaviour are you prepared to tolerate?

Keep the focus on you.

CW

He says he hasn't. This morning the wallet was on the kitchen side with what seemed to be the right amount.
I did ask him out right and he did get defensive and he did say I'm obsessed but he hadn't gambled. But he's worked long bloody hours last 2 days.

I've even put down in writing that he used the same excuses when he gambled previously and 3 weeks is not long enough to have trust.
He then said he had enough stress with work (Which he does atm) with out us arguing so I didn't continue until this morning once he relaxed and slept. Which is when he said he has the money proved it and says he is guna put in bank today.

I'm tired of not trusting him. And constantly reassuring myself I'm not mad. That I have reason not to trust him.. but he constantly pushes the buttons.

It's a great help to hear off you guys and confirms that you know ? Thanks.

Hi, again,

I'd repeat the advice to keep the focus on you. He's tired/stressed etc and don't ask awkward questions because you're making it worse for him? Then it becomes all about him, if he is active, he's manipulating you into shutting up. And if he's not active at the moment, he's still not accepting that you don't trust because you would be most unwise to.

Put the buck back where it belongs, he has a gambling problem and it's fair enough for you to ask what you need to know. You don't need to be unduly argumentative but you do need to set and enforce boundaries.

Take care,

CW

Hi,

As a recovering gambler the issue of trust takes a long time to heal and can we as former addicts ever be trusted 100%?

However the levels of trust can increase by positive actions and answering queries as honestly and calmly as possible.

It may be difficult but a full "audit trail" of all financial matters helps. I had no direct access to cash and if i was given cash receipts were provided to the penny.

It mught sound serious and radical but it helped me to become more accountable.

Best wishes

So. He put the money in the bank. But not enough to cover the bills. He was fully aware of how much needed to be put in.

If I ask. I'm ungrateful because I work and could cover the rest (if all mine didn't go on shopping and savings)
If I don't ask I'm not going to be able to pay all of these bills.

I'm stuck in that backed off to scared to ask situation now.
I don't know how to ask with out coming across as nagging. Moaning and nasty.
I honestly 100% believe he has gambled this week. I lack evidence to this and can't hassle him because he will revert to coward name calling and it will erupt again.

I know I need to be stronger but I need to be smarter about how I approach things. If he is already stressed I don't want to add to this and him then in turn blame me when I already feel negative.

How are you?

CW

Hi CW
I'm OK, I'm stressed atm as money doesn't seem to be going far this last few weeks.
He has had to changed work atm as it was a very negative environment but it's alot quieter job. If the bills are paid etc I'm happy but their not all being paid. So have to wait and see how next month goes.
He seems to have abstained. And has given up sugar. I hope this helps with moods and well being you
How are you ?