my husband is gambling but I feel judgements

Hi, Maestro,

With judgements, the only ones to worry about are court judgements against you because of unpaid debts. Anything else is secondary, including judgement debts against him. And including uninformed family members and anyone else who hasn't experienced it. They don't know, they've not been in your position and they have no business to judge. Their opinions don't matter.

Seriously, though, there is no virtue in sacrificing yourself for him. You will get no prizes and if he does gamble again, he will drag you down. The standard advice is to separate your finances as far as possible to protect yourself and your children. Also, by paying off his debts yourself, you're protecting him from reality. He should understand the value of money and he won't if you give him yours freely. He's more likely to gamble again. The best advice for him is to sort out his debts himself under your supervision but of course that reduces family money and affects you. His debts should be paid as and when he can afford it having met his commitments to you and the kids. It won't be overnight.

Whether you do or don't choose to stay, be as informed as possible, read the advice on this forum and get help for you, from friends, from GamAnon, from counselling, whatever works.

Take care,

CW

Thanks for your help you are right they never been in my situation and don't know how hard that is ;(

Hi maestro11,

Welcome to the Forum, and thanks for you post.

I can feel your frustration and anxiety, and I do empathise with the situation that you find yourself in. It is a good thing you’re supporting your husband through this difficult period of your lives. This is not what both of you wanted in life, and yet it happens. What you need to do now is to find a way of encouraging him to seek professional help for his gambling problem, so both of you can move forward.

It’s ok if you initially helped him to clear all or some of his gambling debts to avoid a bad consequences of not paying that debt. After that, your husband has to take responsibility of his actions by seeking help to overcome his gambling problem. Much as you want to help and support him in this, you must try and make him aware of how his problematic gambling is impacting on you and the rest of the family, and the more reason why he needs to do something about it.

Perhaps the best help you can offer him is to encourage him to contact us, so we can offer him the professional help and support that he needs to overcome his gambling problem. We can also refer him to 12 sessions of free counselling if that would help him to stop. The free counselling extends to you as well, and any member of the family who is being affected by your husband’s gambling problem.

I suggest that you encourage him to contact our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our advisers regarding the kind of help available to him, and you may like to do same. Gamcare has a lot to offer in this respect, and both of you have nothing to lose to phone but, so much to gain for it.

Stay strong, and keep posting.

Best wishes,

Beatrice