This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with.
my partner broke down today to her mum and told her she was in a small amount of debt.  I’ve been paying the bills the last couple of months and not really explored why and I guess it’s partly my fault for just getting on with it. I’ve been struggling mentally so I guess I just wasn’t as observant as normal. I know they say don’t blame yourself but I’ve not been my normal self and have been isolating myself recently Â
When we wrote everything down she has racked up XXXXX pounds worth of debt by opening virtual mystery boxes. This started about 7 months ago and although hasn’t done any in the last 6 weeks she has continued to get loans to pay off other payday loans. she has took our phone contracts to sell the phones on to make money  she has nothing to show for the money she has spentÂ
We are due to get married next year and I now need to work out wether I can trust her again. She has agreed to let me manage all finances and for everything to be monitored. Â We both work full time.Â
im upset because she didn’t tell me - I guess this is the case with a lot of people but also angry that she allowed it to get to this stage. However she is broken, distraught and riddled with anxiety, she’s frightened as she thought she would lose everything - I love her dearly and don’t want to leave her and want to work through this together.Â
She has agreed to get help and has been proactive at trying to arrange payments for some of the debt. She has been honest and has owned up to her mistakes and answered any questions I have honestly. however I’m new to this and never dealt with it before and need advice and support ? ? ? .Â
Dear @sophiejenkinson1996,
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I am sorry to hear what you are going through with your partner’s gambling problem. I can imagine this is all really stressful and exhausting and will put you on edge as you might now feel like there is always something else to worry about.
It sounds like all of this has been going on for quite a while for you as well so can I suggest that you contact the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or Netline just to have a space to talk and offload and see what other support we can offer you.
Hopefully sharing on here will also help to make sense of it all for yourself.
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Keep posting and sharing
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Regards
Dan
Forum Admin
I think you should give her a chance to change. Love can work wonders. If she is sincere and seeks treatment, I think you can work things out. My wife gave me a second chance 15 years ago and we worked it out. At this point in time we have been married for 38 years! Have hope, people can change, you can help her. Best wishes.
@gerard-g thank you so much, I will give her a chance. Love does work wondersÂ
I broke down to my wife this time last year. She supported me even though she could have walked away. Today i am over 1 year gamble free and we are now expecting our first child after 2 miscarriages. Our relationship is stronger than ever.Â
Your support will be vital to her recovery.Â
This addiction is so volatile that i think if my wife didnt stick by me and give me that chance to prove to her and myself then i wouldnt be here today Â
Hi
over coming our fears and being honest is a helthy path.Â
Living in fear is not a healthy thing.
Unhealthy people live in fear.
The addictions and obsessions just indicated [people are emotionally vulnerabe.
Dave L
It actually depends how bad she is, it took me 5 years to be in a position to get better as i have some form of control i still have relapses from time to time i have done 4 years without a bet some people have gone for much longer and have had an even worse eposide then i have i managed stop myself from further damage you have to be realistic you have expect relapses on the way i only seem to blow my savings away the urge seems to go away with my day to day living expensives
I could have written this and with it being all new information to me I'm feeling very raw. He seems to want to help himself and I want to support but am feeling very betrayed right now. How are you getting on 3 weeks down the road?
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