Hi. My fiance has a gambling addiction. He is open about this in recent monthe. However, my own family have since found out and have as a result made me choose between him and them. We have decided that a break is the best option for now so as he can try and take responsibility for his own wellbeing...I will keep supporting him but I just have to move out for a while to let him take that on and realise that I can't live like that forever unless he gets the help he needs.
I have every faith in him to recover and when he does then we can discuss our future together. But I know my family won't be happy....they have caused so much and keep fighting with me also because of it. There not going to understand when I do go back to him and I'm afraid that I'll end up losing everything. Has anyone had this happen to them and how can you cope with it?
I know u definitely want to be with my partner and help him thru but for now we do need the space so as there's no pressure and gives him chance to do it for him and nobody else and I will without a doubt be back in his arms but my family won't take it well!
What can I do? No amount of talking to them helps....they don't understand at all!!!
Oh my goodness, I am sorry to hear how unreasonable your family are being. I assume they are doing it for what they think are your 'best interests' as they don't want to see you get hurt. However, this is a perfect example of the ignorance around addiction. And they are making things worse for you instead of supporting you. My advice would be to get some info about gambling addiction and let them read it so they can see that it is an illness, so they can see things from your point of view. You need supportive people around you now and if they do not end up being supportive then it may be time to take a bit of distance. But give them a chance to get over the shock etc first. I am similiar to you in the lack of support from family but different in that they are not taking it as seriously as they should be. I have a few frinends who have been amazing, maybe you have some good friends too? Also counselling will be helpful for you.
Just a word of warning about you being so certain you will be back with him....I obviously hope that he will get the help and you will be but I also feel you need to be realistic and be prepared that things may not work out. It is a very complicated illness. I also am living apart from my husband until he takes the responsibility and gets help so I completely understand the hope you feel but I have found that building up hope can be a bad thing as it only gets dashed. I need to take my own advice on this sometimes too!
Thanks for your reply. Ya i have my hopes up and I could be left down by it all. I know he has turned massive corner.....he always hid the addiction for years but the last few days he is openly telling everyone that he has an addiction...he even spoke to his workplace about it which is something that he never before would have done. I'm glad to hear u are also living apart from your husband as i can see that it makes sense and that we made the right choice to take a step back and allow him take the responsibility.
My family are a major concern and no matter how much I talk to them they just don't understand....I have amazing friends though. I have to stay with my family for now and lie to them that we have broken up because they have done some awful things to my fiance and could potentially destroy his life if I was to tell them were still together so more lies again but unfortunately it is the only option for us right now. I'm so happy with him. I work as a mental health nurse so I have a strong awareness of addiction which is good because I know how to protect myself financially very well and also I'm well aware of the manipulation and I am very strong to not allow myself to be anyway manipulated.
I hope things will work out for you and your husband. Addiction is a difficult thing to treat and there's always a high possibility of relapse so its really important that when he is well enough that ye come up with a crisis plan together of what ye can both do if there was ever to be a relapse.
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