Hi, I have been with my partner for 31/2 years who I love dearly! We lived apart for the first 2 years so I was not aware of his problem untill we moved in together fully. I have managed to encourage him to go to meetings and I also attended - here’s where things have changed... he first blamed me for his gambling as said he was trying to impress me & my family? This hurt massively but buy going to gamonon and talking to other partners I realised he was using me as the problem.. we were due to get married last year but vdue to having no money this got called off- I was hurt and I guess maybe resented my partner... iv never stopped loving him and wanting him to succeed and never judged him only ever encouraged his journey.. things have got so bad as he became unbelievably sneaky to the extent I thought he was cheating! This is where I can see his gambling has ramped up to an extreme rate! He has his own business and is taking money upfront without having the goods, he’s gambling around 7k per week and looks like a completely different person with all the stress, He hasn’t paid vat or tax in 2 years, iv tried to get him to face this but just thought he needs time to realise himself! He’s only ever Gona 2 weeks without gambling, he started listening to self help speeches and went into his group saying he’s changed and will never gamble again! On the weekend he blew every penny... he said he won’t go to the class as feels they judge him as very confident in saying he was done.. iv said I feel he doesn’t want to tackle the problem but he’s***t me with another blow! He’s decided to go bankrupt and move abroad as been offered a job.. I’m so desperately sad and feel hopeless, he feels moving away will help cure him.. has anybody’s partner concoured there gambling but upping and moving away, I feel he’s running away but want him to succeed xx
Hi I'm sure many gamblers have run away, bankruptcy etc. This is about you. Do you still go to gamanon? This is nothing to do with you. You can't fix him or stop him. He is in the grip of addiction. Secrets and lies, blaming everyone else. The debt is probably huge. Is this what you want? This is forever. Living with an active gambler is hell. Not wanting to go back and confess at a GA meeting is an excuse. The only thing you can do is go to meetings, your meeting, with or without him. Safeguard your finances, don't pay debts. If he chooses a job and bankruptcy that to him solves his debt problems. Sometimes you just have to let go. Look after you.
My OH has moved several times. His addiction will always be there though. I would just let him do his own thing. You haven’t done anything to deserve this- it’s his problem to sort out. It’s really hard to emotionally detach yourself from someone who is close to you, especially since it sounds like you’ve supported him in attending groups. I think you might just have to accept that he’s not ready to face up to things: his response seems to indicate this. Good luck- look after yourself!
Going bankrupt absolves him from the consequences of his actions which is why it appeals to him but clean slates can be a double edged sword for a CG.
You can't fix him however much support and encouragement you throw his way. He has to want to stop for himself. Think about how you want life to be for you and what you want, need and deserve from a partner bearing in mind an active CG cannot provide stability or normality and life with one is a continuous downward spiral.
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