Hi, I'm new to this and I was really helping you all might be able to help me.
My boyfriend has very recently revealed to me that he has a problem with online gambling and now has very serious debt because of it. Before that I had absolutely no clue he had a problem, I'm glad to see having read other forum posts that I'm not the only one that's happened to.
We don't live together so luckily his debt doesn't directly affect me but I know it will take its toll on the relationship. I have read through lots of things and my main problem still remains that I just don't understand gambling, its never interested me. I'm not being critical here, I totally appreciate its a very difficult addiction, but its hard to support him fully when I can't understand the reasons behind it. Can anyone help me with this?
And anyone who has more experience of online gambling addiction, is there any behaviour I need to watch out for? I genuinely believe he wants to be open about his problem now, but he did totally hide it from me for 9 months (which I know is actually a relatively small time frame but it feels big) so its difficult to be sure.
Thank you!
Hi!
Thank you so much, I'm glad I'm not the only person who didn't get it.
I think he definitely uses it as an escape to relieve stress but now he knows it's only making things more stressful.
From what I've seen so far, I believe telling me was a stage in him stopping for good and he hasn't done it since telling me. He's blocked himself from his main sites, but obviously there's thousands out there. We've also started a recovery diary type thing so he can use that when he doesn't feel he can come to me. I think the level of shame has surprised me the most so I know talking about it is really hard for him.
I just hope we're heading in the right direction now!
Hi there. Gambling us about escapism and avoidance.
There's an initial buzz-whether that be an absorption in flashing lights or studying odds, and then there's the win.
This all triggers chemicals in the brain. We crave more- particularly when we have problems dealing with our emotions or we feel disconnected from life. Our silly brain then seeks more of that chemical release so we can avoid emotional discomfort.
Its very hard to rationalise addiction. Gambling addiction is really no diff from any other type.
I've been saying 'we' as an addict of 16 years stopped for 2.5
Your bf has certain underlying issues to address - quite possibly repressed emotions. Gambling is a symptom. Doesn't make him a bad person.
I'll try post an interesting video on addiction, later
Louis
Hey! I'm going through the exact same thing as you at the moment, we just had a conversation today about his Gambling addicion. I think the main thing he said that pulls him in as soon as he gets paid, is wanting to make the money back. It's like a compulsive desire to win back everything he has lost, even though he ends up losing more. When he first started playing poker online it was for fun and skill, he genuinely likes the game. But the more money he lost, the more determined he was to get it back, and now he's upset and wants to stop. I also read about what the others are saying on here, that it's a form of escape, and that makes sense because my bf hates his job and dreams of making money an easier way. Is he unhappy at work? I've also read something about compulsive gambling being correlated with depression, anxiety and low self esteem. It's not clear whether gambling causes these illnesses, or vice Versa. So I'm thinking we will need to be stern but also very supportive, starting with ensuring he lets go of all the money he's lost and accepts he won't get it back by gambling. Anyway I hope this helps and sorry for rambling on about myself, I'm just as shocked as you are.
Arielle
Hi Kelly - sure I'm absolutely not suggesting any partner of a CG should 'stand by his man' - just trying to shed some light on how addiction works, how addiction is linked to mental issues (in response to JOG's request for help with understanding gambling addiction)
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